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Update :/ (tw ed, SH, suicide) - July 26th 2014, 05:15 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So in the time that TH was down, I fell apart.

I was on a slippery slope before the down time. Now, I'm in such a bad place.

I started restricting again and taking laxatives (because I've been unable to purge properly... Which is really upsetting) and a few days ago I started some new diet pills.

I know all of this is bad but I'm happy about it because all I see is fat when I see myself and I'm sick it.

just to make this a complete update, I also started hoarding pills and blades. :/

right now losing weight is my main concern. I have a few suicidal days but mainly just feel gross/depressed and hate myself. I can't be like this anymore...

My ears are always open. If you want to vent, chit-chat, anything, just send me a message

Every drop in the ocean counts.
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Re: Update :/ (tw ed, SH, suicide) - July 26th 2014, 12:46 PM

I'm sorry you feel like this, we are all here to support you now. Hoarding things may give you have a strange sort of comfort, but when things get to much they can become a temptation. I understand that losing weight is a goal for you, However just remember friend and family will accept you for who you are, everyone will see you differently to how you see yourself. Not sure i have been much help but i am Here to talk if you need. X
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Re: Update :/ (tw ed, SH, suicide) - July 27th 2014, 02:57 PM

Hey there,
I am really sorry if you feel like this but hoarding things is not the solution. I know(from personal experience) that the temptation is going to be too much and eventually you will start eating so much that you will gain more than you lose.
try things like dancing or gym which are fun as well as helping you to loose weight. It is going to be slow but effective over time.
And meanwhile know that being skinny is not the only thing that matters....sure it is a good feeling but hurting yourself is not.
And remember that your friends and family love you no matter what.
Best of luck
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Re: Update :/ (tw ed, SH, suicide) - July 29th 2014, 03:33 AM

Hey there,

You said that you can't be like this anymore so I am wondering if you are willing to accept help for this? If so I think it would be a great idea for you to look into counseling for all of these things that you are struggling with. I know that opening up to a counselor will be really hard to do but a counselor will be able to help you work on identifying your triggers and help you work on finding a resolution to these issues.

Do you think that you can throw away the things that you are hoarding? I know that they might offer you a certain amount of comfort but if you don't have them around you you are going to be a lot safer. I know that throwing them away will be really scary to do but it is probably one of the best things that you can do for yourself.

I know that eating can be really hard when you feel so disgusted with yourself but food gives you the nutrition that your body needs. Do you think that you could try to slowly work in more meals? Maybe start with one meal and then work you way up from there? Something else I would like to suggest is that you go to your doctor and talk to them about your concerns in regards to weight and if they think you need to lose weight they can suggest some ways for you to go about doing this in a healthy manner. Also, I think it would be a good idea for you to go to the doctor and get them to clear you for exercise.

I think it is really important that you remember that weight is not the determining factor in beauty. I know that in this society it seems like that is the case but the truth is there are many different definitions of beauty. And, the fact is that you need to come to love yourself just the way you are. Something that might help is if you make a list of things you like about yourself so when you are struggling you can pull that list out and remind yourself of those things. If you are struggling to make that list you could always ask your friends and family to help you compile that list.

I really hope that this helped in some way and if you need anything please feel free to message me.

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