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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Recovery - August 7th 2014, 12:41 AM

How do you make yourself want recovery? I know all the dangers of an eating disorder and to an extent they scare me but even that isn't enough to propel me down the road to recovery. So, with that being said, how do you make yourself want recovery? All I want is to lose weight and be thin.

I know that you can lose weight the healthy way but my mind doesn't compute it that way. When I eat I gain. I've been eating healthy these past two or three days and the scale says I have gained weight (which is shouldn't because I am overweight). The only way I can lose weight is by starving and purging. I don't have the money to go to a dietitian because my insurance won't cover it. This is the only way that I see the results I need.

And, honestly, I am not thin enough to seek recovery. So who cares? If I were to tell people I suffer from an ED they would laugh at me or not take me serious. My own dad doesn't take me serious.

Idk what the point of this is.


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Re: Recovery - August 7th 2014, 10:44 AM

It's really to and that people expect women (or men) to be unable to maintain a healthy weight before they'll be taken seriously. I know people will take you seriously though. You encouraged me for ages to talk to someone and I finally did and when I mentioned my issues she really listened to me.

I can understand your point. Since I was legitimately overweight I thought I didn't deserve to feel good about my body. I still feel that way a lot and I might always feel that way at times.

Probably the best thing I could have done was refuse to stand on the scale. One day I wanted to throw up and I realized how messed up it was that I hated what I saw so much that I would want to do that I hadn't even gained any weight. So I forced myself to stop counting calories and checking my weight because it had such a strong negative impact. I already knew how much I needed to eat and exercise to do things "right" and I knew that I'd just have to be patient while I allowed nature to take it's course.

So maybe cutting out your scale will help?

Also a lot of communities have free counselling, especially for people who genuinely can't afford it. Maybe you could seek it out?




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Re: Recovery - August 9th 2014, 04:33 AM

I talked to my therapist about the fact that my ed is flaring up. Now that she is aware I at least have someone who will be checking in on me. I am planning on going shopping with my dad to try and buy healthier options so that might help some as well. I don't really know what will push towards recovery. I purged once today because I had a complete anxiety attack about the food I ate. The I went out and bought some food and was able to keep that down. Feel like a total failure but it's one meal and I am hoping the calories in it aren't too bad. Recovery is really hard and I don't know if I want it. Don't know how to make my self want it.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes on my phone at the moment and can't correct them.


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Re: Recovery - September 10th 2014, 06:49 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now. I completely understand where you are coming from.



Quote:
Originally Posted by .:BreakingBeautifully:. View Post
How do you make yourself want recovery?
There really isn't any right or wrong answer to this question. People are going to give you many different answers. You can't force yourself into recovery. Recovery takes a lot of time and patience (and blood, sweat, and tears!). We wish recovery didn't take a long time, but we can't help it. Recovery can be different for anyone. Recovery isn't just one big long term goal; it is a bunch of little, mini, small term goals. Taking large steps will only set you up for failure. So, instead of trying to take large steps, start out by making small steps. Take things one day at a time. You are bound to have some good days and some bad days. You are also going to be going through relapses, but that is just a part of the recovery process.



Quote:
Originally Posted by .:BreakingBeautifully:. View Post
I know that you can lose weight the healthy way but my mind doesn't compute it that way. When I eat I gain. I've been eating healthy these past two or three days and the scale says I have gained weight (which is shouldn't because I am overweight). The only way I can lose weight is by starving and purging. I don't have the money to go to a dietitian because my insurance won't cover it. This is the only way that I see the results I need.
I can totally relate to this in a way. You need to remember that there is also water weight that factors in, too. You can lose weight the healthy. It is just our "ED" brains think that eating the right and healthy way is very wrong and we shouldn't be doing that. Have you been working out/exercising recently? You also have to remember that, depending on the types of exercises we are doing, we gain muscle. You could have gained muscle and lost fat. Muscle weighs more than fat. You also have to remember that there are other factors into the weight gain. Besides muscle gain and water weight, there are other things out there, too. I understand how hard it can be to try to eat healthily and exercise, but still gain weight, but I try to remind myself that there our other factors that could play into the weight gain. Starving and purging are not the answers to weight loss. You may lose weight by doing those two things, but as soon as you try to eat normally, you gain all of the weight back, plus some. Instead of starving and purging, think about the consequences of those two things and what they are doing to your body. I know the "ED" brain is telling you that those two ways are good for you, but they are really bad for you. It is just your "ED" that is telling you otherwise. I know for me, I mainly starve and binge and purge (take laxatives) and I know those things are really bad for me, but my "ED" is telling me that I need to punish myself for doing bad things. Starving and purging are should not be used to lose weight as they are really unhealthy and bad for your body (I know I am contradicting myself on this sentence).



Quote:
Originally Posted by .:BreakingBeautifully:. View Post
I talked to my therapist about the fact that my ed is flaring up. Now that she is aware I at least have someone who will be checking in on me. I am planning on going shopping with my dad to try and buy healthier options so that might help some as well. I don't really know what will push towards recovery. I purged once today because I had a complete anxiety attack about the food I ate. The I went out and bought some food and was able to keep that down. Feel like a total failure but it's one meal and I am hoping the calories in it aren't too bad. Recovery is really hard and I don't know if I want it. Don't know how to make my self want it.

It is a good thing that you are talking to your therapist about this. I understand it can be hard to talk about things that are bothering also and it takes a lot of courage to do so. Do you keep a journal/diary of some kind (besides the blog on here)? One suggestion I can give you is to make a list of positive and negative things that have happened each day. The purpose of this exercise is to keep this up until the positives out weigh the negatives. For example, if you had a shitty day and all you had listed were negative things, put down a couple of positives down. They can be anything that was positive to you. They don't have to be extremely big or large positives. I don't know if you keep track of what you are eating or not, but I suggest that you try not to do that for one week and see what happens. I know it may be hard, but if you feel that it is too much, try cutting out one day of the week and don't count calories on that day. Same thing goes for the purging and bingeing, too. But, if you happen to binge, try not to purge.



I really hope this helps you out some. Please stay strong and never give up hope.




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Re: Recovery - September 12th 2014, 04:07 AM

Truthfully, the only thing that made me 'want' recovery at the time was my (now ex-) boyfriend making me eat. As you can imagine, that didn't help anything. And then the fact I literally became too ill as a result of my ED. It's hard. Sometimes you end up only wanting recovery for 5 minutes at a time, I think. Or sometimes it can end up that it's not that you want recovery necessarily, you just want to not do disordered behaviors.

The dangers of an ED never deterred me, either. I always felt like either a) they wouldn't happen to me or b) it didn't matter anyway, as long as I could lose weight and meet my goals. I don't know how to move past that, honestly. I still feel that way a lot of the time.

I'm glad that you talked to your therapist about this. Also, PrincessZelda's idea of writing down negatives and positives might help you.


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