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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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I am the stupidest person in the world - September 6th 2014, 09:42 PM

I'm trying to recover from my eating disorder so what do I do? I stupidly go and look at peoples instagrams that I know while show how thin they are and show bones. Today I don't feel like eating so I go ahead and look at things that make me not want to eat even more. What the fuck is wrong with me.i like the fact that I haven't purged in 2 weeks and the fact I haven't restricted in like 9 days. Now I'm afraid I'm going to fuck it up. And I don't want to. but I need to be thin. I'm on a meal plan from treatment and I stick to that pretty well bt I need faster results. I'm fucked!


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Re: I am the stupidest person in the world - September 7th 2014, 06:36 AM

Hey, Frankie!

First, I want to say that I disagree with the title of this thread. I don't believe you're "stupid" for being tempted by things that would stand in the way of your recovery. Even though eating disorders aren't considered "addictions" in the traditional sense, I see a lot of similarities. Once you start, it's hard to stop. You're affected physically and psychologically. Your body suffers, yet your brain "craves" and justifies the destructive behavior.

Everyone who struggles with an addiction knows that it's a constant battle to avoid lapses or relapses. Sometimes, all a person can manage to do is stay in place. They may not be able to move forward right away. It may take everything they have to not slide backwards. The fact that you're even aware of what these temptations could do to impact your recovery is HUGE. You're no longer in denial, and you're motivated to change.

Who do you trust to hold you accountable as you work toward recovery? Is there someone who can monitor or limit your access to websites that might tempt you to experience a lapse or relapse? The media can have a negative influence on people who are struggling with eating disorders. Oftentimes, the media doesn't depict what is "real." Talking to someone who can remind you of what is "real" and offer a healthier perspective won't solve all of your problems, but it's certainly a step in the right direction.

Finally, please be kind to yourself. Eating disorders are not kind to the people they affect. The world as a whole can seem very cruel. When you face temptations, remember that you're not the only one who struggles with temptations. When you experience setbacks (whether with an eating disorder or something else), remember that you're not the only one who struggles with setbacks. If you were reading a similar thread posted by another TeenHelp member, would you call them "the stupidest person in the world"? Of course not... and there is absolutely no reason why you should be held to a different standard and judged harshly.

You're always welcome to contact me if you want to keep talking about what's going on. Hang in there, Frankie!






   
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Re: I am the stupidest person in the world - September 10th 2014, 06:09 PM

I am so sorry that you going through such a tough/difficult time right now. I just wanted to let you know that you are not a stupid person. I completely understand where you are coming from/going through. I have an Instagram account and I, too, look at those types of pictures. I know it is unhealthy to be looking at those types of pictures, but because of my "ED", I can't help myself, but look at them. I see those pictures as motivation, but it is a kind of unhealthy motivation that this is what I am supposed to look like. Your eating disorder thoughts are what is controlling everything.

I know for me, when my "ED" started, I just wanted to lose some weight. After awhile, I was satisfied with the results and I tried to eat normally, but after a while things got out of control and things are still at its worse. I know your eating disorder probably started out wanting to lose weight, but after a while, this cycle can become an obsession. You are obsessed with losing weight and your perception of what "healthy" is becomes screwed up and distorted.

Here's something to think about. I saw this in my daily planner and I thought I should share it with you: "Your thoughts are influenced by facts and our attitudes. We have no control over the facts and we all have to face them and we have to get used to dealing with the bare facts, whether they are to our advantage or not. However, we have total control over our attitude towards work, communications, and ourselves. In fact, our attitude is our window to the world, just like our computer's Windows operating system. We program this operating system ourselves; we can choose our attitudes, and the attitudes we choose determine our success. Thus it is crucial that we program ourselves correctly." What I think this means is that if we "program" ourselves with the wrong ideas, thoughts, attitudes, etc., then we would not be running proficiently or the greatest. So, we need to feel ourselves up with the right ideas, thoughts, attitudes, etc., in order to be at the top of our game. Now, this could be viewed a lot of different ways, like what you think could be the right things could be the wrong things.

I am proud of you for going that long without purging or restricting. No matter how small a step it may be, it is still a step in the right direction, which would be recovery. Recovery is a hard thing to go through and it can be extremely tough/hard for some, if not, all of the people who suffer from an eating disorder. I suggest that you talk to your therapist/counselor about your current thoughts/feelings.

I hope this helps you out some. Please stay strong and never give up hope.




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