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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Disgustingly Fat - November 8th 2014, 04:30 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm eating way to much I'm such a fatass it's disgusting and I'm disgusting. I just want to literally cut all my fat off I want to starve myself for weeks to get all this fat off of me. If I end up eating I want to purge after. Fuck recovery. I can't live with how fat and gross I am. It's disgusting. I want to cut the words gross, Fat, disgusting into my skin to remind me of how disgusting I am. This is taking a toll on me I'm suicidal because of it. I just I am so screwed. And I don't meet with my therapist for another month.

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Re: Disgustingly Fat - November 8th 2014, 05:42 PM

Is there a way you could contact someone else or get another appointment in between?
And Sometimes when I have a problem it helps me to think as if another person posted it and for me to react. That way you can help yourself.

Furthermore. Try to separate what you feel from what you think. I've seen you around and I know you are a really smart person. You probably know that you aren't fat and disgusting but you just feel like that right now. It could help if you'd imagine your negative side into a stupid little toddler. Than you can give the emotional toddler her rant and than put her to bed. I know it sounds really crazy but creating different "people" in my head really helps me to gain perspective within myself when I'm going wild with everything.

It's not like mpd though cause I only have them when I purposely "switch it on" and it doesn't control me.

And you probably already know this but hearing thing sis always nice so:
You are not fat. You are a amazing person who means a lot to many people here. And I know we can't see how 'fat and ugly' you are. But that shows only more how amazing you are cause we don't like you for your looks we like you for your amazing inside. And I'm rather certain you aren't fat and ugly at all. I can't see you though so there is no way I can honestly say for sure. But even if you against odds are fat. We all love you with fat. We love you because of you. We love to see you healthy and happy. But we still love you if swimming in your own mass weighing 100000 pounds and highly depressed. We love you if you have loads of scars and are falling apart like a sobbing wreck every two minuts. We love you if you have bones showing because your to thing and when your at your most moody moments because you have a really bad period or something.

Hang in there

Helping others sometimes makes it easier to feel good about yourself and help yourself.

So PM me if You want.
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Re: Disgustingly Fat - November 8th 2014, 09:07 PM

Hey there,

Have you tried calling a hotline to talk to them about these feelings? I think that there are hotlines that deal with these issues. So, if you look on the Hotlines page you might find a hotline to call. It might help to have someone to talk to about these feelings since you said you don't get to see your therapist for another month.

I know how hard it is to deal with these thoughts but acting out in destructive ways will not help you solve the problem. In the end it will probably only make things worse. Have you been able to find anything positive to help you cope with these feelings?

Remember that your eating disorder will not solve anything. I know your mind is probably telling you otherwise but you have to try and think of all the negatives that come along with the eating disorder. Sometimes when I am really struggling with my eating disorder I try and remind myself of the negatives that come along with it and it helps. Maybe you could make a list of negatives for caving into your urges; like a list of reasons not to give in. This might give you a way to keep on fighting for recovery.

I hope that this helped in some way and if you need anything please feel free to message me.

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Re: Disgustingly Fat - November 8th 2014, 10:12 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through such a tough/difficult time right now. I completely understand where you are coming from. I have felt the exact same way you are feeling right now. I know how hard recovery can be and at times you may think that recovery isn't worth it, but recovery IS worth it. Recovery wasn't supposed to be easy. Recovery is supposed to be challenging.

Is there any way you could get an earlier appointment with your therapist or quite possibly another therapist in the mean time? I think it should be something to think about as whatever you are going through is causing you some distress.

Don't listen to your "ED" mind. This frame of mind is telling you lies to make you feel like a complete failure. You are not a failure nor are you the other things your "ED" mind is telling you you are. You are an amazing person and wonderful person.

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