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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Scared to eat, disgusted with myself. - February 26th 2015, 10:22 PM

Hi,
My name is Farah and I'm new here. I've been struggling lately. For the last 3 months I've been working out 5-6 days a week to get my goal body. I was starting to see results and then decided to do what is known as the [Edited] diet. You are told exactly what to eat for 3 days for breakfast lunch and dinner. It was almost like I was starving myself. On the last day of this "diet" I went to chickfila and ate more than I should have and this continued for the next few days. I'd eat until I was sick. I looked in the mirror the other day and it looked like I had packed on [Edited]pounds. Now I am scared to eat anything. It's becoming an obsession. I drink water when I'm hungry so I feel full. I eat here and there but then soon after regret it and end up very depressed. It's been a week and a half like this and it's getting worse. I have talked to my therapist and she noticed I've lost weigh in my face and legs. I see her weekly so for her to notice this change made me realize that I'm starving myself so I can be skinny. She says I can turn things around since it's early but if it continues it may lead to an eating disorder. My dad wants to order pizza tonight and I want pizza and chicken tenders and a salad, but I refuse to get anything. I need help. What should I do? I attached images of what my body looks like now. I am 5'8 and around[Edited]lbs.

Last edited by Kindred; February 28th 2015 at 12:33 PM. Reason: Please do not include weight numbers or names of diets :) They're against the Code Of Conduct!
   
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Re: Scared to eat, disgusted with myself. - February 28th 2015, 12:42 PM

Hi!

Welcome to TeenHelp, first of all. We're a community here and I'm happy to welcome you into our family

It sounds like you're really struggling right now, and I know how awful it can be to battle an eating disorder. You're not alone in this. With that said, I'm not saying you do have an eating disorder but you are describing a lot of the symptoms. Typically if you're struggling to eat or have issues surrounding food due to thought processes and fear of gaining weight that's typical of an eating disorder and it's best to act as soon as possible. Now since you already have a therapist this part is going to be quite simple. You need to talk to her and say how you're feeling, and don't hold back. Explain all the things you're doing, and why you're doing them. This behavior is very dangerous, as I'm sure you know even though you can't physically see the damage you're doing to your body. It's important to catch it as soon as possible. In my case my parents found out when things worsened very quickly and treatment was started almost immediately. I think that's what helped me recover so quickly and thoroughly.

This is not your fault, but you are responsible for getting out of this problem- with help. You need to change your behaviour, as eating isn't a choice. You either eat at home, willingly, eat in hospital or die. There really is not other choice, and that can be a really distressing thing to realise. But it's okay- with treatment you'll be able to overcome that fear. What you're experiencing isn't normal, and it means somewhere, your brain has become to recognized food as the enemy. That needs to be changed.

Talk to your therapist. Ask for help, I believe you can change this and I believe you can get through this. Be brave, we're all here for you <3

Laura



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Re: Scared to eat, disgusted with myself. - March 1st 2015, 12:32 AM

I agree with what Laura is saying. We can't diagnose you since we are not medical professionals, but from what you are telling us, you may suffer from some sort of eating disorder. We are not saying you most definitely have an eating disorder; we are saying that you may or may not have one. Seeing a doctor about this will be the right thing for you to do. If you don't mind me asking, was there a specific situation/issue that occurred that would have caused you to start these disordered behaviors? I know you said that you already have a therapist, but have you told her the negative thoughts/feelings behind these disordered behaviors. Don't be afraid to talk about this. I know it can be scary talking about your problems, but it is a worthwhile thing to do.

Eating disorders can cause serious damage to your bodies. Starving yourself can deprive your body of the necessary nutrients, vitamins, minerals, etc. that you need on a daily basis. You think starving yourself will help you lose weight more quickly, which you will lose a lot of weight, but as soon as you start trying to eat normally, you immediately gain the weight back plus maybe even some more.

Try to have a balanced diet. Having a balanced diet can help your body out in so many ways.




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