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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Treble Offline
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Help - April 19th 2015, 09:29 PM

Well I kind of recently ish started excessively dieting. I try and keep my calorie intake to around {Edited} calories a day, but I sometimes go over. When I do, I make myself sick. I'm also a self harmer, I normally cut myself on my thighs, but if I need to punish myself for overeating I do it on my stomach. Today I wad a pig and had {Edited} calories, and now I feel really really sick and threw up, without doing it on purpose.

I'm pretty sure I know exactly why I'm doing this. My whole life is a mess. I dont really have anything. I dont have parents that are together or a big house and lots of money. My dad's mentally ill and abusive and hates me. I'm not pretty or smart or talented or popular... The only thing that I can be in control of is how skinny I am, at the moment it's the only thing I have.

I have told people about everything, the self harming, my dad, etc. But nobody knows about the eating thing. It really sucks, but if I tell people they'll try and take my only sense of control away from me... I really don't know what to do.

Last edited by Kindred; April 19th 2015 at 10:38 PM. Reason: Please don't include calorie numbers, they're against the CoC! :)
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Kindred Offline
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Re: Help - April 19th 2015, 10:53 PM


I removed the calorie numbers because they're against the rules but don't worry, you're not in trouble!

Regardless of why you're doing this, you need to stop it. Restricting your food intake is not a way of gaining back control, it's all an illusion created by something gone wrong inside your brain. If you don't take action then nothing good will come of this. Right now, it sounds like you have your health. Although you might be having a really tough time right now creating more problems is going to lead to an even harder recovery, something I know you're capable of. These thoughts aren't going to keep you safe, they aren't going to make you more loved and it's not going to make people take care of you. It won't change your life for the better. I only say this because they were the thoughts I had, and some of the reasons I clung to in the midst of my eating disorder. I'm not assuming you have the same thoughts but just in case, I thought I'd share my own experience. Whatever your reasons, I want you to know they're not going to be solved by not eating as much as you need. You're in pain right now, why make yourself hurt even more? You're a wonderful person and who knows what you're going to go on to accomplish. You have the whole world right in front of you, even though right now it's being shielded by a veil of sadness and confusion, it's still there. I promise. I know this is so difficult right now and it can feel like there's a battle going on inside your head but this will pass. It is possible (and so worth it) to start to fight it. Things can only get better.

You say you've talked to people about how you're feeling and that's a good thing. I would include the eating thing in with this. "These secrets are walls which keep us alone." People will be able to help you make sense of all this. There is no "taking away" from you- you're restricting your meals and although it feels like that's a physical thing, as if it's something you can control it's just an illusion. It's just a feeling and convincing as it is it's not true. Feelings aren't facts and this behavior is not benefiting you despite what you may feel. It's not your fault but it is your responsibility to seek treatment and help in overcoming this. It won't change your current situation for the better but treatment can. Eating enough isn't a choice. You either eat now, you eat in a hospital or you're tube fed. Or your body will cease to exist, it'll just slowly start giving in and that's a horrible process for you and everyone around you. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I know this is so difficult and I hope I've helped you a little bit. I hope you don't feel like I'm being too harsh, I just really want to save you from this. I would rather you listened to my advice and hated me than liked me while I almost gave you permission to continue this.

Best of luck, be brave

Laura x

Take as long as you need.
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