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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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someday-we-fly Offline
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How can I forgive myself? - June 28th 2015, 12:03 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

For the past year, I suffered from Anorexia Nervosa.
I'm getting better now. I've gained most of my weight and I've been trying to keep a positive attitude.
I was doing really well for a month or two, but after something that happened at school, I fell back into negativity.
I am still eating and I am determined to keep on eating well, but the problem is that I can't seem to forgive myself.

For what?
For anorexia.

It's my fault I got anorexia, and I can't seem to run away or hide from that fact. It haunts me everyday, because I did that to myself. I ruined myself. I don't have my period anymore, and I feel like I might never get it back. It's all my fault. I killed that happy little kid that I once was. Now, I'm nothing, and I can't forgive myself for what I've done. I just can't, but I know I need to.

I've tried to tell myself that it's not my fault that I ended up like this, but I know it is. If I wasn't so emotional, I could have been okay.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost. I feel like I am overreacting, but the guilt constantly nags me and I can't make it stop. All I want is to be happy again.

Has anyone else experienced this? What can I do? How can I be happy?
   
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Re: How can I forgive myself? - June 28th 2015, 01:00 PM

It's not your fault. I know that me saying that probably won't change anything, but it's the truth. Anorexia is a mental illness, and just like any other mental illness it is not your fault you got it.

I understand where you are coming from, though. As someone who has also struggled with an eating disorder, I have also experienced the guilt of feeling like it was my fault I developed it. Are you seeing a therapist? Eating disorders, especially the feelings around them are incredibly difficult to overcome on your own, and it might help to have someone to discuss these feelings with.

It sounds like you are doing really well, and I'm really proud of that. It can take time to recover fully from an eating disorder, so keep going and don't give up, you're amazing.

Take care


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Re: How can I forgive myself? - June 29th 2015, 09:07 PM

Would you blame yourself for having cancer or a broken leg? I don't think so and having a mental illness is no different. It needs to be spoken about more but you didn't force this upon yourself. Why would you? As someone with mental health problems, I can relate but you have to understand that you aren't to blame for this. Why the heck would you put yourself through this? You just wouldn't. It isn't your fault, but unfortunately it happened to you. Its time to accept that and start moving forward because you seem like a kind person and you deserve the best from the world and yourself. You don't deserve self blame, okay?

Believe in you and don't blame yourself. You are worth more than that. We're here for you,

Jessie


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