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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Noire Offline
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Struggling - March 5th 2016, 08:33 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't know if anyone here remembers, but last year I struggled with an eating disorder. I was alternately restricting and purging for several months. There came a point where it got better and I wasn't as obsessed as I had been with the help of therapy. Unfortunately, therapy isn't really working any longer. The urges to restrict again, especially, are getting really high. I have purged in the last couple of months a few times but didn't make a habit of it; I only did it after I felt I ate too much.

I've gained weight in the last several months. I think the holidays combined with stress eating is that cause of the weight gain. I don't think it's really noticeable to other people, but my pants are definitely tighter, and I think my face is chubbier. I hate how I look. I look in the mirror and all I see is how fat I am. The thing is no one else thinks I'm fat. I've asked people, not constantly, but on occasion. My girlfriend and metamour say I'm not fat, that I'm "normal," whatever that means. A friend says I'm just average-sized. The couple of guys I've dated recently think I'm really pretty, and people check me out all the time. Even my own mother, who has criticized my weight over the years, told me today that I look great. So I don't understand it. I think I look terrible, but everyone else thinks I look great? It makes no sense to me.

My therapist told me on Wednesday that she thinks I have body dysmorphia. I don't know what that means. I thought it was normal for people to think they don't look good when other people think they look fine. I don't know. All I know is I'm often preoccupied with how terrible I look, and I get mad at myself for eating the way I do, even though I've been assured the way I eat is normal, not too much. All I want to do is start restricting again. I feel like I have no self-control anymore and I want to punish myself.

I don't know what to do or how to make the thoughts stop.


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Re: Struggling - March 5th 2016, 08:47 PM

Hey Jordan,

I know how tough an eating disorder can be. One thing someone told me was to cook your own food so you know exactly what is in it how it's made and that way you feel more comfortable eating it and you most likely won't over eat. I also have learned after I eat if I do something like draw, or write it takes my mind off of purging and after I while it won't be able to come up.

On restricting you could make yourself healthy meals and snack and littler portians then you normally would eat and that way you aren't restricting but you are eating a little less and more healthier.

About body dssmorphia that is when you look one way but see something completely different. For instant I am x amount of weight and when I look in the mirror I look 2-3 times bigger then what everyone else says I am.

here is the definition:
Quote:
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), also known as body dysmorphia or dysmorphic syndrome, but originally termed dysmorphophobia, is a mental disorder characterized by an obsessive preoccupation that some aspect of one's own appearance is severely flawed and warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix it.[1] In BDD's delusional variant, the flaw is imagined.[2] If the flaw is actual, its importance is severely exaggerated.[2] Either way, one's thoughts about it are pervasive and intrusive, occupying up to several hours a day. The DSM-5 categorizes BDD in the obsessive–compulsive spectrum, and distinguishes it from anorexia nervosa.
A fairly common mental disorder, affecting some 1.7% to 2.4% of the population, BDD usually starts during adolescence, and affects men and women roughly equally.[2] (The BDD subtype muscle dysmorphia, perceiving the body as too small, affects mostly males.)[3] Besides thinking about it, one repetitively checks and compares the perceived flaw, and can adopt unusual routines to avoid social contact that exposes it.[2] Fearing the stigma of vanity, one usually hides the preoccupation.[2] Commonly unsuspected even by psychiatrists, BDD has been greatly underdiagnosed.[2] Severely impairing quality of life via educational and occupational dysfunction and social isolation, BDD involves especially high rates of suicide and suicidal ideation.[2]


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Re: Struggling - March 7th 2016, 04:49 PM

Hey

Thanks for reaching out to us here. I'm sorry you are feeling this way

Truth is, I don't know if an eating disorder ever fully leaves you. I think you can be in recovery but I think it could be something you fight for the rest of your life. Like I'm a recovering alcoholic. At my AA meetings, no one says they're no longer an alcoholic. We believe once you are an alcoholic, you always will be and I think this is the same for eating disorders.

I struggle with eating disorders and know how hard it can be. What ever your weight, it doesn't define you at all. You're beautiful the way you are, inside and out. People who were to judge you for looks wouldn't be worth the hassle. You are more than your weight and recovery is possible. Do you have any ideas why you think therapy has stopped working for you? Is this something you could actually discuss with your therapist? It might be worth doing so to see what's going wrong and how to make it a bit better in order for it to help you again.

Just know that you can get through this hard time and continue your recovery. I believe in you and I'm sure a hell of a lot of other people do too.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie




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