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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Is this normal? - November 28th 2016, 05:05 AM

Okay I'm confused about the way I perceive things. Three things.
This morning I woke up and I wasn't sure if I had lost weight or if I was finally happy with the way I look but now I'm fat again it seems. The way I view myself changes constantly. One moment I feel thin and pretty then the next I'm staring Into a mirror just disgusted with myself.

The next thing I don't understand is that I'm always afraid of eating in front of people. I mean, it depends though. Certain people, I can eat in front of but a lot of them make me uncomfortable and I have a hard time admitting that I actually wanna eat something. It makes me ashamed to eat and makes me feel kinda guilty.

That brings me to the third thing. It makes me disgusted and really annoyed when people ask me what I'm eating or mentions the fact that I'm eating. I think that's why I'm afraid to eat in front of most people. I just hate it and it makes me never want to eat again or purge myself when I'm done. But I don't tell my dad that bc he is one of the people who do that and he would tell me to get over it. I just ignore him at first thinking of what to say with a deep glare. But I knew he'd get mad if I didn't reply so I do but I just don't to say anything to him afterwards.

For some odd reason my dad makes me feel so uncomfortable. I have a hard time hugging him or saying I love him back. I think it's bc of things he has said to me that hurt so much, I just haven't forgiven him yet. They r things that triggered my ED. I'm hurting so bad right now and I don't wanna eat ever again.

Please help me. Anything will do. Thanks!
   
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Re: Is this normal? - November 29th 2016, 01:10 AM

Hey,

I think a lot of these things are quite normal when you struggle with an ED. I have done a lot of the same things and I know a number of people in treatment struggled with them as well. Something else I also do is watch how much other people eat so I don't eat more than them.

Honestly, I think the main way to overcome these things is by working on your eating disorder as a whole. These might also be issues that you struggle with for the rest of your life but with time and practice you can get to a better place.


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Re: Is this normal? - December 9th 2016, 04:29 PM

Disordered eating behaviors vary a lot for people with eating disorders. I know people who were triggered by eating in front of others, but I also know folks who would only eat with other folks so that they can get away with eating less. Basically, you don't have to fit one mold for your disordered eating behavior. The same goes for cognitions, or how you feel about yourself. It's going to vary by day, and it's going to be different between two different people with an eating disorder, and that's okay.

Forgiveness is tricky. It's often praised, but sometimes, it's okay to not forgive somebody, either temporarily or permanently. I will tell you that by experience, I do feel better once I forgive somebody. Anger hurts, even if the anger is not towards yourself, but holding onto anger can be harmful. However...it's really really hard to let it go, and it can take years. I still have a strained relationship with my parents due to things that happened when I was a child, and while I'd like to mend it, sometimes, anger is valid. Heal in your own time. I'd highly recommend seeing a therapist about it-it has really helped me.

Good luck.


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Re: Is this normal? - December 9th 2016, 04:51 PM

Thanks Coffee. I have a counselor so it's helping, but it's just gonna take time I guess.
   
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