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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Getting worse - January 4th 2017, 02:49 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I feel so ugly. I was crying for 4 hours last night all alone because I'm just so ugly. I try to eat less, or preferably not all, but I just want to change quickly. People have told me that I'm skinny, and I guess I agree but my face is so fat and so ugly and I just want to make it thin quick. I keep thinking about just purging food out whenever I have to eat, but I'm scared to take laxatives because I don't want there to be horrible long term problems-plus I have no money to buy any. I keep thinking of making myself sick, but I hate the gag feeling before it, but I keep thinking that I should just do it even if it feels horrible, even if it's bad for me so what maybe it will make me less ugly.
I don't know.
Just wanted to let this out
   
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Re: Getting worse - January 4th 2017, 07:26 PM

OI am sorry your struggling.

Take it from someone who is bulimic with anorexic tendencies you do not want to start purging. Its awful and gross yet addicting. i know what you mean by feeling ugly and gross all the time. I know how hard it is to see yourself the way other people see you, but maybe you could try and find five things everyday that you like about yourself. and look in the mirror and say them out loud(I know it sounds stupid, trust me I can't even do it) but people say it helps with the self hate.

I think you would be happier if you got some professional help for this eating disorder and the way you view yourself. Maybe you could talk to your parents and see if they can take you to the doctors and you can tell your doctor everything your feeling and they could set you up with a therapist that is right for you.

Anyways I know what its like to be struggling with an eating disorder and if you ever need to talk I am just a pm/vm away.


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Re: Getting worse - January 4th 2017, 09:29 PM

Hi

Thank you for posting this thread, I really do hope we can help you and support you through what you are going through because you don't deserve to be alone in this what so ever.

I want to tell my best friend who is my sister has struggled with anorexia for years. The affects have been critical. At first she was fainting, then on the floor all night screaming because she was cold and she just hurt no matter how soft the things were that we got her to lay on. Then she began passing out more and more. Now, she has the bones of a 92 year old and therefore has severe osteoporosis and her spine isn't right and due to all this she is at high risk of fractures too. She didn't have her period for years and as a result, she may not be able to conceive when she is older. She was then hospitalised for several months and placed on an eating plan with many strict rules. I have Bulimia and EDNOS so can also relate. I will tell you I hate that gag reflex but the more I did it the less it happened and the worse it also became. Bringing up blood is scary. I have bad acid and I am on a high dose of medication to help with this. I have fainted at times. I have damaged my teeth and so much more. I guess I am telling you this because these can be some of the effects from an Eating Disorder. A friend whom I was very close to was in hospital hundreds of miles away from home, on life support because her heart stopped beating as when you starve yourself, your body eats muscle and the heart is a muscle. It is so very, very dangerous and I believe it is the highest killer out of every mental health disorder. I want you to be completely aware of what you will be putting your body and life at risk for.

You said people say you are skinny and you agree. That concerns me in itself because even though you agree, you still want to lose weight. I want you to know that when we lose weight this way, it doesn't come of the place you want it. Your face shape may remain the same but you thighs or stomach for example, may be the part of you where you lose weight from. And purging does not bring up even half the food that you intake and is so dangerous. Laxatives can have dangerous side affects, you are right.

Have you any idea what triggered these disordered thoughts of at the beginning of when you began struggling with your eating and self body image? For some people there is no trigger. Some professionals believe that there is something within us when we are born and those people with that will always develop an eating disorder. But for some others, it can be related to stress, low mood, depression etc and can even be a result of bullying/abuse which has left you with a low self worth and also a result of feeling the need to have control over something, anything, which turns to the disordered eating and so on. I just wonder whether you can identify with any of these things or can think of anything else. If you do, please feel free to talk to us but there is never any pressure to talk to us about something you don't wish to talk about. This is us going at your pace. Just remember we're here.

And with that, so are others. Friends, families, teachers, tutors, GP/doctors and referrals may even be able to be made to an Eating Disorder team to see a psychiatrist who is specialised in the area and/or a Eating Disorder specialist nurse and even a referral to a dietitian. These people all care and want to help. You could also discuss help from a mental health service if you feel that would be beneficial and/or appropriate.

It might also be a good idea for you to begin to write a list which you will be able to create into the form of a poster about things you like about yourself. This can be done over time though. Don't feel pressured into doing it all in one go. We all have things we hate about ourselves and that is okay but we also need to have things we like about ourselves. Pick out the best things you like about yourself, so if anyone comments on how pretty your eyes are, begin to take notice of them and try and form love for them. Or if you like your hair for example, or other things like your accent, the way you do your make up or the kindness you have in your heart. We don't just have to love or hate how we look but its about whats inside too.

But please remember you can always talk to us. Try and eat three meals a day with snacks and you can eat healthy things but don't "ban things out from your diet". EVERY FOOD IS OKAY in moderation. You deserve a healthy and a happy life. Don't suffer in silence and let this hurt you. You deserve so so much better. We're here, always.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie


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Re: Getting worse - January 5th 2017, 07:59 AM

Hey Frankie thank you for your reply x
The problem is I can't talk to my mum about this because she will automatically assume it's a new way I've found of killing myself (like with my self harm) when it isn't at all.
During my time at secondary school, people have made comments about all my features in a bad way and that made me feel awful then someone called me ugly and disgusting and I guess that's what triggered all this, and because of it I hate all my features and everything about me. I can't think of anything I like about me even if I try so I guess I want to change.
Thank you again for your reply it means a lot x
   
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Re: Getting worse - January 5th 2017, 10:20 AM

Hey Jessie thank you for your reply it means a lot that you are trying to help
Like I said to Frankie, I hate everything about me and just want to change and not be ugly anymore and apart from here I can't talk to anyone about this...
But I will try to find things that I like about myself and try to think positive
Thank you again for your reply it means a lot x
   
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Re: Getting worse - January 5th 2017, 10:39 AM

Hey there,

It can be really hard to deal with criticism from others. I know while I was growing up people used to tease me mercilessly about my weight. This caused me to view myself harshly and in a negative light. It also was part of the reason I started to restrict and then eventually purge. I know it's hard but try and ignore the comments that these people have made. Kids are very cruel and just because they told you these negative things does not make it true. I would suggest that you try and find positive attributes about yourself. If you can't think of any ask the people around you. Once you have a list of things keep it with you in a journal, on a sticky note, or on a slip of paper. That way whenever you are feeling low about yourself you can pull that list out and remind yourself that there are good things about yourself.

If you need anything feel free to message me.


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