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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Wishes Offline

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Restricting - February 21st 2017, 08:03 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I've started restricting again
I always eat breakfast because it speeds up your metabolism or something, but I try to eat as little as possible. After that I try to avoid eating altogether.
Everyday apart from Tuesday I have a 6th period, and I straight-up lie to my mother telling her that the school buy us food so she doesn't give me dinner. I also lie and tell her that I prefer to buy lunch at school than take it from home, but I never do eat at school. I just try to fill up on water.
The problem is that in the evening I get hungry sometimes and just binge on anything. Like I had loads of pringles and a chocolate bar and biscuits one day.
This isn't good, but eating makes me feel bad-guilty even. Each time I eat I think "well you can eat like that and stay ugly, or don't eat and at least look better than you do". (Yeah I think in 3rd person )
I don't know what to do. I honestly don't want to be like this, but I don't want to be ugly either.
Yesterday I looked in the mirror and I look quite skinny, not underweight but nearly. But then I looked at my fat fuck face and carried on walking after to burn calories.
I don't want to self harm and restrict anymore, I want to be happy.
Any advice is appreciated

Last edited by Wishes; February 23rd 2017 at 11:53 AM.
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Palmolive Offline
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Re: Restricting - February 24th 2017, 04:21 PM

Beauty is not weight. Beauty is an attraction which can appear inside and outside but it is not in regards to weight. I am not going to encourage anyone to over eat just like I wouldn't encourage you you to under eat. My point is, underweight people, average weight people AND overweight people can all be beautiful. But there is a difference I have seen in the people around me who struggle with anorexia. When they have been healthy weights, they still look beautiful but they are glowing and look happy and actually healthy. When they have been underweight, they look withdrawn, unhealthy, sad and fragile that at one point, I didn't even dare hug a person in my family whom I love very much.

Beauty is not defined by the weight of a person.

Recovery is hard, for all that struggle with eating whether its restricting, binge eating, over eating. But recovery isn't just something that happens. It is something you have to choose and control. And you don't just chose it once either. You don't just one day think I have had enough, I want to recovery and I am going to beat this because there are going to be moments where you feel like giving in but you have to keep on choosing recovery.

I don't know a lot about you. But I do know you are a kind hearted soul and that is more important that being underweight. I also don't know if you have any help and support in place but if you don't it might be worth looking into getting help with this from a counsellor, a CPN or even someone like an eating disorder specialist. You can always talk to your GP/Doctor too. Just don't be alone and also remember we're here.

Keep fighting. Recovery is worth the fight.

Hope and wishes,

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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