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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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... - September 19th 2017, 02:17 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So today I ate breakfast and felt weird. Like I calculated the calories and told myself how many left I could eat. I then went to school and told myself that I would skip lunch and skip dinner. I wasn't hungry when I thought this, so maybe it was because I felt a little ill.
But at lunch I got a roll, and I felt kind of guilty when eating it. I feel like I have eaten it, now I am further away from losing weight.
I walked past the boy I like, and yes I'm sorry for always mentioning him I know I should move on but I can't. I don't know why.
So I saw him and he looked so happy with his friends and I am here crying myself to sleep for not being good enough for him or anyone.
I feel that I should begin restricting again. Eating well felt good, but looking good will feel much better. I am not fat, but my face is so yuck ugly fuck. It is fat and eurgh. If I lost weight, my face would be thinner and nicer to look at. All my problems that I've ever had are because I am ugly and people make me feel awful about it. If I restrict, I may look better and feel better.
I don't need food.


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Re: ... - September 19th 2017, 11:44 PM

Hello I know that it feels like that if you just lose some weight or if you could just look like (or even be) somebody else, things would improve. No matter how much weight you lose, it won't be enough. Your weight or perceived ugliness isn't the problem. Self acceptance cannot be "if and only if" you lose weight, you deserve to feel okay with yourself at any weight. You also deserve to eat and have a healthy relationship with food. Although it may feel like an uphill battle, recovery is possible.

Have you gone to therapy about these feelings before, or talked to anybody about the bullying that you are facing about your looks?


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Re: ... - September 20th 2017, 12:54 PM

Hey Traci,
I have never gone to therapy (my mum would never let me) and I tried to tell my parents about the bullying, but my mum just says I have made it up to get attention. I don't know why I would do that...but okay.
Thank you for the reply, it was helpful thank you


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Re: ... - September 25th 2017, 05:26 PM

As I said in your two previous threads, I really think you should consider therapy. It doesn't matter what your mum says, if you believe it will help then go for it!
   
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