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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Wishes Online

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I am trapped - October 20th 2017, 09:36 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I have been restricting for 4 weeks now, with only 3 'slip ups'. On Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I ate up to my calorie limit (perhaps even less) and yesterday I ate a lot under. I know I can't put numbers, but let's just say it was very low. That made me feel good and proud.

Yesterday, my mum was being horrible to me. She told me I have a big forehead which obviously didn't make me feel good.

But today (like last Friday) I wanted to binge. Before school I went to Tesco's and picked up a mars bar, cookies and crisps and I was still looking for more. I kept telling myself "don't do it. put the food down, then you won't feel so guilty afterwards." And eventually I just dumped the food in the wrong aisle and left. I felt so relieved for doing that, even though all of that food seemed so good.

I know binging isn't much better than restricting, but it's the fact that I won't let myself eat unless my mum makes food that bothers me. I want to be able to eat lunch and have snacks again, without feeling so guilty.

The other day I told myself that I would try to eat at least an apple for lunch, but I couldn't. I keep thinking about the names people have called me, the boy I really like telling me to fuck off and my mum being horrible.
If I eat, it is like I am just accepting myself for who I am, and I can't do that. I have to be punished for being so ugly and not good enough, and losing weight may make me look better (even though I am underweight now) .

I don't know what to do. I want to eat, but it is so hard.
Any advice is appreciated

"Every Experience Is A Gift from The Universe"

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Re: I am trapped - October 20th 2017, 10:04 PM

Hi, I am sorry that you are having a hard time with this right now.
You want to try to eat more if you can and I know that you are having a hard time with this right now, but if you can have so many snacks in a bag and try you're best to eat them and it should start to get better for you. For example you can have apple slices and eat so many and then try to have more later and you can do this with other things too that you like to eat.

You said that you're mom said something to you that hurt you and I am sorry she said that. The next time that happens try to not get upset, I know it's hard to not to. But just walk away and do something that you enjoy doing. Putting on music or a funny movie, ect. This way you are taking you're mind of off what just happened and trying not to get upset and bringing yourself down. You are changing how you are feeling.

You did a wonderful job putting all of the food down. When you get that feeling to binge eat it takes over you're mind and you feel like you need it, that's the eating disorder talking. You should be proud of yourself for putting it back. The next time this happens and you get that feeling try to do the same thing, or call a friend, go for a walk anything to get you're mind off of this.

You don't need to be punished for anything you are beautiful inside and out no matter what and please do not be too hard on yourself. Start writing down on paper and say, I am amazing, I am strong, I am beautiful, I love myself. Things like this. And do this a few times a week until you believe it about yourself. And you can say it out loud. Because this is true about you. I hope that you will be ok. Lots of Hugs.
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Re: I am trapped - October 22nd 2017, 02:56 PM

Hey there,
I'm sorry things still aren't any better for you.
Maybe the next time you get the urge to bing you could just eat an apple instead? It's healthier than those snacks and might make the feeling go away. Also you wouldn't have to feel as guilty as if you ate the snacks. Though I have absolutely no idea if that works and is possible. It just kind of crossed my mind right now, so if the idea is no good just ignore it

Sounds like no matter where you go, you are always put under stress. At home your mom, at school all these people... is there any place you feel safe and comfortable at? Where there is noone bothering you?
Cause if there is, maybe you could go there and try to eat something there, where theres not so much pressure on you. Or if you can't go there, try to think of this place instead of all these horrible people (the good thing with the second option is, that the place doesn't even have to be real ).

Appart from that, it's ok to accept yourself for who you are Nobody is perfect and that makes all of us so awesome!
Also I don't believe you are ugly. I don't know how you look but I don't think there is a single person in this world that is entirely ugly. You might not look like a top model but guess what? Only top models look like that (and even they only do when they have a bunch of make up on their face). So I'm sure, there is something beautiful about you!
So how about you find that one thing? It doesn't have to be your face. I don't exactly like my face either. But I have really nice hands and I like the color of my eyes. Also I like how my hair stands up in the morning and that I can cheer people up with a smile.
Emma had a really good idea there. Write it down. If you can't write down you are beautiful and strong yet, start with that one thing you like about yourself. Thats enough and over time you can add to the list. Maybe you like the way you walk, or your hair or how you can always remain friendly, even if you don't feel friendly at the moment. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you think its something good about yourself and I'm sure you will find plenty of things once you start looking

Hope you will get through this soon

It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

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