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Oh, Bother Offline
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Why?? - May 10th 2018, 09:07 AM

So I saw my therapist Monday and she knows I am on WW and is very happy for me that I am losing weight healthy and not engaging in my ED. I have been purge free for a year.

So when I saw her the first thing she said is you are disappearing. I told her that everyone is saying that but I honestly can't see it. I honestly see myself the same size as I was or even bigger. Everyone is commenting on how good I look and how much weight I lost. Giving me these compliments. I really don't like compliments of any kind but especially when it comes to my weight because i CANNOT see what the see.

Don't get me wrong I know I am losing weight because I go to a meeting and weigh in every week. The scale says I'm losing. I have dropped sizes in all my clothes. It just when I look at myself I don't see what everyone else sees. I still see the size I was in August.

Why do I still have this distorted body image? Shouldn't it have gone away? I mean I have ALWAYS disliked my body and thought I was ugly like since I was five and I still do. I guess I just want to see what everybody else sees.

Is there anyway to achieve this? Without looking in the mirror and telling myself I'm beautiful and stuff like that? Because honestly I will never do that it just sounds stupid and awkward. I avoid the mirror most of the time.

I guess all I want to know is how do I deal with this? And will I ever like the way I look?



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Re: Why?? - May 13th 2018, 02:16 PM

Only the other day, Mandy my partner was saying similar and I think an answer to that is the way we think about ourselves. How we feel, I think, is reflective on our self-esteem, or lack of it. She and I grew up together, so learnt together. We had our ups and downs, but eventually we got to where we wanted.

To build up our self-esteem is to connect with people who love you, and we feel good being around them. When that happens our self esteem gets better and that's what Mandy said whenever she was with me. Which was so sweet, but I've always steered her into doing things that I knew she was good at. Maybe you have someone special you feel good with in their company because it they can help your self-belief.

I set Mandy challenges - she's great at DIY and restoring things such as her old Citroen 2CV now on the road having passed its MOT for her tinkering around under the bonnet. Also little things, little challenges we could set ourselves and getting that feel-good factor when things actually start going right.

For example, I love locksport. To pick a lock, to open it without a conventional key or using brute force is quite an achievement, and immensely satisfying. Do that, and automatically one gets feeling better for getting into a padlock and mastering the beast. So maybe you could start setting yourself little challenges, ones that work well in your favour? Even start with a 3D jigsaw puzzle and watch it grow. I did one recently of Tower Bridge in London.

Another example, set yourself a small goal like trying a new recipe or maybe even take up a new hobby? Our's we share is learning upholstery and the end product looks good and we get feeling good and Mandy feels she's really achieved something.

And that was her road to recovery from ED and a whole bunch of self-esteem based problems.

"Beauty is far more than being just skin deep. Being beautiful is about being, not about looking. It's about attitude and action, not about appearance. It's about deep joy, not momentary happiness." - Crystal Kirgiss, author of 'More Than Skin Deep' A Guide to Self and Soul

Wishing you all the best,

~ Belle
   
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