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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Noire Offline
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Triggering situation - June 11th 2018, 02:57 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I am in recovery for an eating disorder. I've been doing really well for the past sixth months or so but I am worried that might change. One of the people in my household has some complex health issues as a result of being overweight and has decided to go on a diet. I told her it's not necessary, that there are better ways for learning how to manage the intake of nutrients than going on some diet, but she won't listen; she says she needs the "rules," which I can respect, I suppose.

Anyway, I want her to do well with her diet and feel happy and healthy, but her dieting has begun to trigger some of my old ED urges and behaviors. Inevitably her diet has become a family affair since, well, she can't keep it to herself, nor should she be expected to; it's a big part of her life. She's trying to be respectful, like by asking me before she talks about weight and other body numbers, but it's still hard. I'm not at the size I want to be and it's making me really self-conscious.

How do I support her without letting my own insecurities about my body drive me into ED behaviors? This is really important to her and I don't want to make it all about me.

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Re: Triggering situation - June 11th 2018, 03:15 AM

I am probably not going to be able to provide the best insight because I struggle with this. I have a friend doing a specific diet and getting great results and now my dad is talking about it. If my advice sucks I apologize but I figured I'd suggest some of the things that have helped me.

I do think the fact that you want to support this person says a lot about how amazing you are. You know the topic is triggering but you want to try and find a balance because you care about this person. I know that isn't easy to do.

Finding a balance is hard, I think it might help if you can figure out the things that you are able to talk about and the things you cannot. For example, if weight numbers is too triggering maybe when she asks you can say "I can't handle discussion about weight numbers but I know they might be important for you to discuss so I can do xyz' Things such as putting headphones in or leaving the room etc. I think that if you can figure out what is safe and what isn't it will help you to support her because then you can talk to them about it and then you can all figure out how to cope with discussions surrounding the things that trigger you.

It seems like you both are trying to respect and support one another which is a great first step. Finding a balance might take time, there might be some slips on one or both of your parts but I think it can happen.

I know, for example, I used to get really angry and triggered when my dad would talk about how much he weighed. He asked me about it and I finally told him that his weight numbers trigger me. He ended up stopping that discussion while I was around and I was able to support him in other aspects of his goals to try and lose weight.

Wishing you the best and I hope someone else can provide you with a bit more insight or help.

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