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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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butterflykisses300's Avatar
Age: 18

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Join Date: May 6th 2018

Thumbs up I've finally found passion again!!!! - November 19th 2018, 06:47 PM

Some of you know that I've struggled with atypical anorexia for several years. It's been a battle and my recent relapse got me down the hardest it ever has before. My brain and body were suffering so much to the point that I stopped caring, my personality was gone, and I went through manic-like states of grandiosity and my brain just quit working properly. But I have to say something. I finally found my passion for life again!!!! I have more important things to do with my life than restrict calories. I write songs that help people. I have such a bright future ahead of me that I can't waste it on something that has and would destroy me. It's not worth it anymore. A few week ago, I began to eat every meal again. My dietician wanted to send me to a treatment center because it was critical that I get re-fed ASAP. My last session, she said that she was not willing to work with me if I wasn't willing to work. I wasn't even trying because I didn't care. People were supposed to be holding me accountable with food and I manipulated the process by finding ways to avoid the food. I denied food and I denied that it was a problem so one of my teachers gave up on me too because I was being "too difficult". A part of me felt accomplished by staying "in-control". I was in such a dark place and I wanted to kill myself.
But everything changed. I have finally found passion again. Life is amazing. I just want to say that it always gets better and never give up okay? My dietician said it was almost impossible for someone like me to get back on the meal plan once the eating disorder has this much power. But I proved her wrong. And that feels dang good to say!!!

Thanks for everyone's support. I really appreciate all of you!!!!
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Re: I've finally found passion again!!!! - November 20th 2018, 01:45 AM

I know how much you have struggled with your anorexia, but I am so glad that you have found your will to live again. I am so happy to hear you talk about how much you want to do,and how you write songs that will help people. If you ever need to talk, or feel like going down that path again we are all here for you

Your Friend,

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability|

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Re: I've finally found passion again!!!! - November 20th 2018, 02:46 AM

That’s great! I know how much you’ve been struggling and it must have been so hard to get out of that hole, so I’m really proud of you. I hope things continue going well for you!

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and laughs without fear of the future.
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Re: I've finally found passion again!!!! - November 20th 2018, 03:14 AM

Thanks Frankie and Raven. I really appreciate your replies.
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Re: I've finally found passion again!!!! - November 20th 2018, 03:28 AM

I know I’ve helped you when you were struggling, so seeing this makes me super happy! Keep your head up! I believe in you.

You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.

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Celyn Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: I've finally found passion again!!!! - November 20th 2018, 12:21 PM

I know you've struggled a lot with an eating disorder and it's truly fantastic to see how well you are doing with your meal plans and finding a passion in life to keep you going! Well done!

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Noire Offline
When is the future?
Jeez, get a life!
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Re: I've finally found passion again!!!! - November 21st 2018, 03:31 PM

I am so happy for you, Cheyenne! You've always had amazing passion and I am glad you've found it again, especially after struggling for so long. Way to go!

Love joins
Love unites
Love breaks us apart
The power to conquer here in our hearts
Enduring and sacred
Eternal as time
For love, love alone will conquer all

"A Million," by VNV Nation
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finally, found, passion

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