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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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floatingangel Offline
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thoughts i can't control... - January 20th 2009, 06:52 AM

i've been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for at least 5 yrs now.. it kinda got better since last year.. but i've not been going for counselling coz i think my counsellor is quite irresponsible.
i keep on thinking i can do it on my own.. that i can be strong enough to fight the control of food over my life.. but i just can't..
i took my weight today.. and i'm just so afraid of scales really now... and.. i just felt like crying the whole day and finding a place to hide.. and felt like then and there to stop eating for at least a week. and i know it's bad and all, but it just overwhelmed me and i felt disgusting even holding food.. and it was killing me.. the feeling was killing me.. and i don't even know how to explain it.
i've gained a lot of weight since 3 yrs ago.. and i mean alot.. even by the standards of 'normal' people.. and it just killed me to know how much i weigh now.. and it hurts so bad. and i know it sucks, and that i hate myself.. and it's somehow just about the number on the scale that i just can't get myself to ignore and think that it's alright..
and i really can't take this anymore.. plus i wanna cut so badly... and i just want to throw up everything i ate today.. and i don't know... i'm just so sick of everything now and i just can't get myself out of this..
help...



and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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Re: thoughts i can't control... - January 21st 2009, 12:32 PM

If you ever need to talk about anything at all, please feel free to PM me. I'm here for you, all the way.


You are beautiful just the way you are.
Looking like a fallen star.
Don't listen to what people say.
They don't know the real you, anyways.
   
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eunoia Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: thoughts i can't control... - January 21st 2009, 06:55 PM

Hey there,

It seems like you’ve had an unhealthy relationship with food, and your body, for some time now. And while I think you know that it won’t go away on its own, I’m not sure you believe it. I think that knowing and believing are two very different things, and hopefully soon you can begin to believe. I think that believing we need outside help begins with believing in ourselves—in our ability to admit not defeat, but that we are human; that sometimes we need what only others can give us.

Please consider going back to counseling. Even if it seems silly or unnecessary, it is not. If you are having troubles with your counselor, it is certainly your right to find a new one. You can even ask for recommendations. But don’t give up on counseling altogether—as disheartening as it may be, there IS someone out there who you will feel comfortable and safe talking to, and you owe it to yourself to find that person.

You deserve to beat this. You deserve to wake up each morning, go to sleep each night, and walk through your days without feeling controlled by food. You deserve it, you are worth it, and it is time to believe that. Not just to know, but to believe, with all of your heart, that you ought to have the control.

Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.



Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
   
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Re: thoughts i can't control... - January 22nd 2009, 06:47 AM

hey thanks guys.. your replies touched me alot.. i thought no one would even bother to reply to this thread. sigh.. i guess you're right.. i just keep on telling myself that i don't need counselling.. and partly i'm just afraid that i'll get hurt again by my counsellor..

i just threw up so many times today.. i'm relapsing and i know it.. and i just keep messing up stuff today it's not even funny. sigh.. i guess i'm just ranting.. i think i'll consider abt the counsellor thing..



and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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love__me Offline
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Re: thoughts i can't control... - January 22nd 2009, 10:21 AM

My offer still stands, I'm willing to help you through this. Counseling is a good idea, maybe look online for counselors in your area? Please think about it?


You are beautiful just the way you are.
Looking like a fallen star.
Don't listen to what people say.
They don't know the real you, anyways.
   
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eunoia Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: thoughts i can't control... - January 22nd 2009, 11:28 AM

Getting hurt is a risk you'll have to take, to beat this. But try to have faith in people--there are good people out there, who really, really want to help you.

I'm glad you're considering. Let me know if there's anything I can do.



Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
   
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