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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Jordyn Offline
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My mom.. - January 7th 2009, 06:34 AM

My mom has been bulimic for a long time. Actually, to be exact, since she was fifteen, I believe? I barely figured out a year ago, when my Dad was talking to me about my mom and how it was okay to let out how I felt about this whole situation [he and her were splitting up and stuff. Blah blah. Old news ] and he let it slip by saying "you don't understand a lot of things Jordyn. Especially about your mom. Drugs, acohol, abusive relationships, eating disorders,"

And I made him stop and I asked him if Mom had an eating disorder. He just changed the subject.

I've seen my mom eat plenty before. Actually, she eats A LOT. So I knew she couldn't be anorexic. And then it hit me. And I didn't say anything to anyone except my closest friends, and then I asked my brother one night if she had a problem. He looked at me and paused for a second and then said "No." with the most solemn expression. Now, obviously, he was lying because a month later I told my Dad I knew and he looked at me funny and asked how I figured it out. Did I hear something? Did I see something?

My mom has had her eating disorder for a long, long time. It scares me because along with all the drugs and acohol and her borderline personality disorder and her abusive relationships, she's just going to fall asleep one day and not wake up, when it isn't her time either.

I love my mom. I don't want her to have an eating disorder. I don't understand why kids had to call her a "fattie" in highschool when she was a size seven in pants. A size seven! I'm almost a size seven and nobody calls me fat!

I'm sorry. I'm just ranting. But when I was younger, my mom was everything to me. She was my hero. And now, the more I figure out, the more I can't believe I ever looked up to somebody like that. I can't help her because she doesn't want it. I can't tell her I know because she'll yell at my Dad. I don't know what to do. I just feel like I'm alone in this situation. The only one who has to deal with figuring out that her parent has an eating disorder, and the painful part, that they've had it for thirty years now.
   
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Re: My mom.. - January 7th 2009, 06:47 AM

Hey Jordyn,

I understand this will be a difficult time to you, and some of what you said will be very upsetting for you. Especially the list of problems your mom has. But just remember one thing, no matter what she does, and what happens in life, she shouldn't ever not be your hero! I imagine she helped to raise you as a child, take you out places and try and help you the best you could ontop of all her problems.

Obviously i guess you do not have an eating disorder, so quite understandably you won't be able to understand what your mom is going through right now. And i think it's upset her so much she has tried to keep it hidden from you? To protect you? To be honest, i think it might be a good thing you have found out, as now you can support her. Don't use it as a tool to distance yourself to her, use it to become closer to her. I do strongly suggest that you try and get her some help though.

Have you spoken to her about this and how it makes you feel? Maybe she will listen to you more, with you being her child?

Hope this helps

Adam x
   
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Re: My mom.. - January 7th 2009, 07:16 AM

like Adam said, try to talk to your mother. She needs support right now. Also unless you go through the battle of an eating disorder, you won't truley understand the pain that she is feeling. I'm not telling you to go onto develop an eating disorder, i'm just saying that your an outsider looking in, so to speak.
   
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Re: My mom.. - January 7th 2009, 08:45 AM

Hi there Jordyn.
I'm sorry things are so tough for you at the moment, it must be hard knowing what's going on now and not being able to do anything about it, especially because she's so close to you. This obviously isn't something you're just going to be able to forget about, and you need to know properly what's going on so that you can feel better in knowing the whole story and knowing exactly what's going on. Seeing as though you're mums been struggling since she's been 15, she's most likely gotten some sort of treatment for this, perhaps she still is.
It might not be such a good idea to bring it up with your mum because it must not have been something she wanted you to know just yet if she didn't tell you herself, it would cause a lot of unneccisary tention not only between you but between your farther too. If is possible for you to talk to your dad about this? Tell him that this does bother you, it does affect you and it's something that you need to know about. Explain that you don't want to cause any arguments over it or go asking questions to your mum but that you just want to know the situation to put your mind at ease.
If people know about this, as well as her Borderline Personality disorder then she should be getting the best support for it that she can. These are things that take time, and worrying about it wont do either of you any good.
The most that you can do is let your mum know that you care about her, just as she is. Take care and I hope things go alright.


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Snap back to reality. <3
   
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Re: My mom.. - January 9th 2009, 09:07 PM

Hey Jordyn! First of all, I want to say that I'm super proud of you for not completely freaking out over this issue. I think it would be really, really scary to discover that your mom had an ED, and I think you're handling the information beautifully.

I think that if you aren't going to talk to your mom about this problem, you should talk to your dad. If he's known that she's been bulimic since she was fifteen years old and she hasn't stopped yet, he must know a lot lot lot about what's going on. I can only imagine that your dad loves your mom very much and wants what's best for her. So he should have a good understanding of what's going on with her, and maybe he can explain that to you.

If you do end up talking to your dad (or your mom), make sure that you feel comfortable with telling them when you've heard enough. Just finding this out about your mom is a lot, and if you end up learning more about it, that's a lot of information to have to process on your own. Good luck, Jordyn.

Love, Calla
   
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