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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Never Forget Hope
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I have the need, not the want - January 27th 2009, 09:56 AM

So, alright. Went to the hospital, tehy said I was underweight, as usual. A week there and I'm at a healthy weight now and everyone is complimenting how I've gained weight and I look healthy and my cheeks are fuller. Blah blah.

Unfortunately though, I feel like crap and don't want to eat again. Not that I feel fat or want to lose weight...It's just that there's a lot of bad stuff going on lately. And I just feel I don't deserve to eat.

Kind of messed up, eh? Blah, I'll be fine.

   
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Re: I have the need, not the want - January 27th 2009, 11:11 AM

I know what you're trying to say, and i think that you need to find better ways to cope with your emotions.
Food is vital for survival, and if you deprive yourself of a natural energy source then i'm sure you know what the effects are. Do you seriously like going in and out of hospital? I'm sure it's not the greatest of experiences and there must be worthwhile things you would want to do with your life instead of spending your days in and out of hospital wards, always being watched over, right?

I know it's easier said than done, but TALK to someone; a counsellor perhaps? Tell them things that might trigger your eating behaviour such as the bad things that you've been experiencing.
What makes you think you don't deserve to eat? Everyone has the right to eat, it's a human right. I know you may feel like you don't but honestly; you deserve a whole lot because you are a good person - no one is truly bad; yes sometimes they may be influenced by others into doing the wrong thing but the important thing is, we learn from our mistakes and therefore become better people.

Take care x


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Never Forget Hope
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Re: I have the need, not the want - January 27th 2009, 11:28 AM

Yeah, I plan on talking to my counselor when I see her this week.

I don't feel I deserve to eat because I feel worthless. And if I'm not worthless enough to die, then I at least shouldn't be worth wasting food on.

Meh. I'm working on it. And no, I don't enjoy going in and out of hospitals. For all I know I may have to go back into another one next week. But I'm doing better than I have ever been so that's good at least. I just need to work on eating more...

But I start eating and then I think about what I'm eating and it makes me sick to my stomach. And I think about all the things my friends are going through, and I feel I shouldn't have the luxury of eating if they're going through what they are going through.
   
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Re: I have the need, not the want - January 27th 2009, 11:48 AM

I'm honestly sorry that you feel that way, towards food. It's good that you're planning on talking to your counsellor about all of this though, as i'm sure he/she will do their very best to help you overcome this struggle with food.

I really don't know what to say, with regards to the situation of your friends; as i am sure you do not wish to disclose such information here - but i will KEEP stressing the fact that you DO deserve to eat! Food is in NO way a luxury, it is a NATURAL human need and right; like i've previously stated.

Without food, you die. Simple as that. And i'm sure you have MANY, amazing things you have yet to experience and live for, and if you're starving yourself; you'll never get to do those things; be the person you want to be. You might be feeling worthless right now, but in order to know what it feels like to feel special and worthwhile; well..you're going to have to experience what it feels like to feel crap, then you will truly appreciate the feeling when you finally DO come through the other side of things.

'
But I'm doing better than I have ever been so that's good at least. I just need to work on eating more...'

That is the right attitude to have, i'm very pleased that you've said that - it shows willingness and strength which not everyone possesses! Please keep sight of your ultimate goals in life and with this strength and willingness, i am quite sure you will overcome your eating problems and achieve what you want to achieve.

x


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Never Forget Hope
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Re: I have the need, not the want - January 27th 2009, 11:55 AM

Thanks.
I really appreciate your replies. I know I just need to change how I perceive things. Mostly how I perceive eating. You're right, it is a natural need, not a luxury.

If I can focus on that and make myself actually understand that, then I think I can beat this quickly. But It's just knowing this, and not being able to let it click instantly sucks lol. I know what I need to do I'm just unsure how to do it.

Hopefully my counselor will be able to help me with this.
   
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Re: I have the need, not the want - January 27th 2009, 12:06 PM

I really do hope so too! It won't just happen overnight, it'll take some time but you'll get there eventually; i believe in you!
You're very welcome, by the way.
Please let me know how things go, if you want that is :]
x


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[<3]


   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Never Forget Hope
I can't get enough
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Name: Kelly
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Re: I have the need, not the want - January 28th 2009, 04:33 PM

Yeah, so.

My ED is stronger than ever. *sigh*
I'll be fine, I promise.

I just...am really vulnerable right now.

*Doesn't want to eat anymore*
...
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Never Forget Hope
I can't get enough
*********
 
escape_thereal_world's Avatar
 
Name: Kelly
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Charleston, SC

Posts: 3,097
Blog Entries: 98
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: I have the need, not the want - January 29th 2009, 02:44 PM

So, I did something I shouldn't have. I weighed myself. And I weigh more than I want to. Not just that, I looked in the mirror. lifted my shirt up and looked. And I feel disgusting. I'm not used to weighing this much and I hate it. I hate my body so freaking much.

I don't think I'll be eating for awhile...I know it's so wrong. But I hate my body. I'll try exercising for a couple weeks before I stop eating again though...
   
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