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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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ixixjokero Offline
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Name: Angela
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Victoria

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Join Date: January 27th 2009

What I miss most... (first post) - February 1st 2009, 11:46 PM

This is my first post here, and to get you up to speed on who I am here's some background info: I'm recovering from a convoluted mixture of SI, Anorexia, and Drug/Alcohol abuse and I'm having a lot of trouble.

There are just so many things that I miss about my problems... I know I should be glad I am getting 'better' but I miss feeling accomplished when I lose weight, I miss having control... I miss feeling fragile and delicate. I know it's hard to get over some of these issues but it has been a year since I stopped starving myself and I'm still weird about eating and exercising. I'm at home now (whereas before I was at a boarding school) and it's so much more difficult to restrict if I want to. It's like I don't own my body anymore.

I just want to get it back, and go back to the way I was before even if it hurts me...

Do any of you guys feel like this? I just feel like I'm failing at recovery as well as everything else in my life.
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Re: What I miss most... (first post) - February 2nd 2009, 03:52 AM

I'm sorry that you're going through such a difficult time at the moment. Recovary from these things is difficult and will take time and there will be times like now when you feel like you want to go back to your old habits. However you aren't failing recovary when you think like this. It's just that because these things have ruled your life for so long then just giving them up is going to be a very difficut thing to do expecially if you have nothing to replace them with.
In my opinion i think that you are trying to make yourself take steps which are to big. Perhaps if you set yourself smaller goals then things would come easier for you and you wouldn't feel so bad about yourself if things don't go the way you want them to.
I would also suggest that you get as much support and help through this as you can from people around you. Opening out to familly and friends might seem to be quite a difficult thing to do, however it is easier to fight things like this with support from other people.
Also try and keep yourself as occupied as you can as well as ensuring that you give yourself enough time for yourself. By this I mean perhaps make sure you get at least half an hour everyday to relax and do things that you want to do. Also reward yourself when you achieve something! Good luck, please take care and feel free to pm me at any time. xxx


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Re: What I miss most... (first post) - February 2nd 2009, 12:04 PM

Angela,

Life is about changing. Things don't stay the same forever. They can't. I don't think it's all that abnormal to miss our problems. We are human and we grow accustomed to things and feel comfortable living a particular way. When things change, our lives may feel thrown out of balance or more difficult. And it's okay to feel that way, but when these changes are for the better, it is our job to overcome the unpleasant feelings and make peace with change.

The control you thought you had was not real, Angela. Maybe it was at first, when you could pick and choose when to eat and when to not eat. But starvation is not control. Harming yourself is not control. Abusing or using drugs is not control. At some point, these things overcome us. We are not boss anymore, and we have to fight every day to get the control back.

And this has to be an every day effort. Every morning you wake up you have to say to yourself "today is the day I take back control." And then do it, Angela. Because you can, because you deserve it. Because it is your right to live a happy and healthy life. You deserve to go through your days without being controlled by food, without hurting, and without needing or wanting drink or drugs.

You can do it. I believe in you and if you believe in you, too, nothing in the world can stop you.



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