IP or OP or do i need help at all?

[AlmostHeaven]

Alright well iv bee suffering with my ED for almost a year now and im not sure if i should get help at all or if i should what kind. I throw up basicaly everything that i eat if i eat at all. I also excercise a lot and i self-injure along with being really depressed all the time. My bones and muscle's hurt constantly and i never have the energy for anything and i tend to turn to drugs and alcohol to numb my pain. Im 5' 3" and [Edited: Removing Weight Numbers] so im a normal weight so i feel im not sick enough to recieve help. Im also possibly suicidle so im not quite sure what to do with myself. I have a therapist but im not exactly sure what to tell her the next time i go. i DONT want to continue living like this. i want to die...

[Em...]

Hey There,
I personally think you should do IP for a bit. If you're struggling with an ED, it is something you need help with, even if you're normal weight for your height. Plus the fact you engage in self harm and have suicidal thoughts, I think IP would be the best option for you.
Living with depression, and an ED and SH, isn't the way to live at all, and I think you could really benefit from a bit of help. Staying in IP isn't the worst thing ever, but I really think you would benefit the most from an IP treatment centre. You'll be monitored with your eating, and you'll have therapists to talk to, and just everything you need to get better.
Overall, describing what you're going through and what not, I really would recommend getting help, before it escalates to something you won't be able to handle. I really wish you the best of luck with this love. Please take care of yourself.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I am so glad you are thinking about getting help. I know what a big and scary step that can be but I think it will help quite a bit.

Now, I think the first thing you should do is talk to your therapist and explain to her everything that is going on. Ask her for some help. Let her know what type of help you are looking for. From there I am sure she will be able to give you names of places that can help you.

Once she gives you the names she will probably give you a referral and from there the place will call you. Once they get in contact with you they will probably want you to come down so that they can do an evaluation. During the evaluation they will determine what type of treatment they think you will benefit from the most.

See, these places will be able to determine if you need help and how much help you need. So instead of worrying whether or not you are sick enough talk to your doctor and she and the rest of the people will most likely determine that.

You know, when I decided to go get help I had the same fear. I worried that they would take one look at me and think that I was faking it or attention seeking. I also had a lot of other worries and once I entered the program all those worries faded.

Please hang in there and know that getting help will be a great thing. It will be a rough road but it is worth it.

If you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[AlmostHeaven]

thnxx so much! i needed that. Anything to boost me out of everything that i am in! i feel like im in so deep no matter how many times iv tried to stop and except myself it always comes back :P its wierd and i dont get it. If ik its hurting me... why dont i just stop?

[Jen]

If ik its hurting me... why dont i just stop?

That's a great question. Often times, the answer is because you are using your ED for a purpose. For whatever reason, you have turned to using your body, and using food, as a means for coping with life. Now, for each person, the individual circumstances and reasons are different. But that's an overall reason.

It's also often because the more people get caught up in their ED, the more they forget that EDs are not about food or weight--they are about using food and weight to hide the real issues. So, a first step is to remember that it's not about liking or hating your body. Or about how many calories you ate or what you weigh. It's about the feelings behind all of that. As soon as you begin addressing the feelings, or the underlying issues, you can find ways to cope with them that don't involve your ED.

So, essentially, you need to figure out a (healthy) replacement for your ED. Because, of course, you still need to cope! You just need to cope in a way that isn't destroying you.

Hang in there--keep asking the good questions!
<3

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I know how you feel and for a long time I felt that way. For years my ED had a control over me and I did not know how to pull myself out. There was a horrible cycle that I was stuck in and I could not get out.

It got really bad in 2007 and that was when I knew I needed help. However it seemed like no one noticed my struggle with food/eating because of my appearance and that fact made me think I didn't really need help. So instead of telling people I shut down and the cycle continued and I learned new things. I started purging and what not. I still didn't think I needed the help and it continued. I fell into a deep sense of self hatred. Well, just recently I sought out treatment and it did help. The place I went to was not the right place for me but it still did help. I am doing better. I do relapse occasionally but relapses happen.

The thing is, sometimes we all need a little help. It can be hard to do and sometimes we feel like we do not need it but I promise there is nothing wrong with asking for help. And, when you do it you might feel stronger just because of the fact you can look back and say "I knew I needed help and I asked for it. I did not let the ED control me!" That always feels good.

As for why you cannot just stop. Well, that is a complex question but from experience what I can say is that as time goes by your ED gains more and more control over your life. It preys on the fact that you think you are in control and from there you slowly start to lose control. By the time you realize you do not have control it is 'too late' and the ED has taken over. So when you go into the stage of wanting to stop it it is really hard to do because of all the control the ED has. But, the ED can be beat. You can beat it. I promise. Open up and ask for help because beating the ED is going to be worth it.

Now, please hang in there and if you need anything do not hesitate to pm me.

Jenna

[AlmostHeaven]

thnx so much for an answer i really appreciate it having ED for my entire freshmen year kinda sux and itmakes me want to go back and re-do the whole thing over again. Iv lied to my friends to the point where my friend was sitting in front of me crying and begging me to stop. I know im destroying her and thts what makes me want to stop the most. I dont want to kill the ppl tht love me while im slowly killing myself