sudden relapse

[floatingangel]

i haven't been doing the whole bingeing and throwing up thing for about a year. A YEAR. i used to be doing it like 8 times a day (for more than 2 yrs) and after counselling and all that shit, worrying that i'm gonna bust my heart.... i stopped..

then today.. i did it again. i binged and threw up 3 times... and i don't even know why. i think i was just thinking too much of food and stuffed some food down myself. then i felt so sick, so disgusted, that i had to go and throw it all up. then i couldn't stop myself... i did that again and again... and after that i was feeling so so drained, like all the energy was sucked out of me...

i'm scared it's coming back... i dunno maybe i'm just overreacting... but i'm really scared that this is a sign that i can't control my thoughts again.. i'm breaking down again..

wat should i do?

[Jen]

First of all, I am SO proud of you for making it a whole year without binging and purging! That is definitely a big accomplishment and I hope you're feeling proud of yourself.

Know that one slip does not mean a relapse. It is in YOUR power if you decide to let this slip become something more than just...a slip. You could think about it and learn from it, maybe call your counselor if you're not still seeing him/her, and move on and continue on the healthy road. Or, you could decide that you want to return to binging and purging multiple times every day. It's your decision.

It sounds to me that because you are so worried about it turning into a relapse, you don't WANT it to. Which is awesome. So, what can you do to prevent a relapse? What did you learn about this episode that you can use to help you in the future and prevent it from happening again? Know that you are in control of this situation.

Remember too that it's okay to call your counselor and get back into therapy, if you're not still. Many people remain with their counselors for years after their ED symptoms subside! It's always okay to ask for help.

Stay strong--you can do this!
<3

[AmethystDrew]

I'm proud of you for not binging for a year after having it be a habit for so long!

And as Jen said, it's a slip, not a relapse... so don't beat yourself up over it! =] And you always have people to rely on here.

[AlmostHeaven]

The way the post is written it sounds like you actualy were in control of your thoughts at one point/or u are right now.... i need to now! What does it feel like to know you didnt hav to binge and purge anymore after suffering with that disease for so long?? Accomplishing anything like that just seems soooo far away right now and reading this post made me realize that recovery can actualy happen and isnt only in my dreams

[floatingangel]

hey guys, thanks for the support. (: i think i really don't wanna fall back to that, but i'm having some moments of weakness now and it sucks..
ate and threw up only once today... i think i just need to calm down and not give up on myself so easily..
this one year, after a few months it became so easy to just stop bingeing and throwing up. pray for me that i'd be able to regain that momentum.... ><
and yea talked to my counsellor this morning.. she suggested that i just remember why i wanted to quit and how i felt so free the last year. shall try putting my thoughts on other stuff too i guess..
need some strength now.. am so frustrated. but haha i know that's just my tendency to beat myself up over the littlest thing..
AHHHHHHHHHHh
ok done ranting lol