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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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danielleeclaire Offline
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Name: Danielle Claire
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.scared. - April 26th 2010, 05:25 AM

for about two years now i've been struggling with some sort of ED. i'm not anorexic because i'm not considered underwieght/i'm not bulimic because i don't purge. i restrict then fast then binge then exercise then restrict...etc. EDNOS? anywho...i'm scared. i'm scared because i know what i have, and i know what it can potentially lead to. i know it can end up killing me. but, i don't want to get better. i don't want to get help, or get out of this downward spiral. i feel like i'm one of those lost causes. i want to go all the way. i want to be skin and bones - and i'm scared that i want this.
   
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Re: .scared. - April 26th 2010, 10:32 PM

Hey Danielle,

I realize that you said you don't want help, but since you posted here, I'm willing to bet a small part of you doesn't want to go down this road. Let me tell you a secret, I've had an eating disorder since I was fourteen. I'm almost twenty-one now. I've been doing this for almost seven years. I didn't want help when I was younger either. I didn't want help even two years ago, last year even. But now, I fight my body every day. I fight the weakness, the infections I get so easily because my body doesn't have the strength to fight them. I fight the dizziness, the tiredness, illness, and everything else you can imagine. I'm 20 years old, and my body is slowly failing.

So, why do I tell you this? Not to scare, since I'm betting you know what eating disorders can do, and I'm willing to bet that your body isn't in the healthiest shape ever either. Maybe yours is as bad as mine, maybe you haven't gotten that far yet.But it will get to the point where your body fails completely, where you literally can't eat anymore because you can't keep food down, where your organs start to fail, and then...well you die. If you don't fight this, the chance that it will kill you eventually is very high.

It's perfectly okay to be scared. But it's not okay to live in that fear. Fight it, if you are scared of wanting this, scared of what will happen to you, then fight it. Don't let your eating disorder control you. Tell someone what's going on. This doesn't have to kill you, skinny is not the only thing in the world. You can have another goal. Like, what do you want to be when you grow up? Focus on that. And no, skin and bones is not something you should become, that's not a goal. That's a death sentence.

Hang in there, and if you want to talk, pm me. ( I don't mean to be tough or brutal, but this isn't a path you want to go down. Trust me)


She whispered to her own reflection "I will be strong."

"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.


Smile through the tears.


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