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123456789 Offline
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pathetic - April 27th 2010, 05:17 AM

Ok so i know i stated a while ago that i was gana tell my dad or someone about my ED AND SH but i never did

because i started to get better ,so i thouigh, i was doing good i wasnt purgeing or ristricting or cutting

then it all started again
i dont know what is was
something inside just snapped and it all became too much
the pressure to hold myself high and be what everyone else wants me to be became to much
now all i want to do is be the opposite of what they want
i want to sneek out and party
because they dont expect it
but when i hold myself back because i know its wrong i have to let it out and i dont know how ekse to do it besides purgeing and cutting
when i do it its like the world is gone and its just me
doing what i want to do because i want to do it because i can do it and no one else wants me to do it
but it hurts
it hurts so bad and good at the same time
and i dont know where or how to stop and its bugging the fuck out of me that i sont have enough self contoll to stop this
   
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Jen Offline
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Re: pathetic - April 27th 2010, 05:05 PM

Haley, you are NOT pathetic. Eating disorders are extremely tricky, and what you are describing is common--people see a decrease in their symptoms so it's easy to assume that things are better, but then the thoughts and symptoms come back full-force.

So, you know that beating yourself up and spending your time thinking about how mad you are at yourself isn't going to do anything. What IS going to do something is talking to your dad. Since you were already planning on doing it, you probably still remember what you were going to say, and all of that. Let him know that you were doing better but things are hard again and you really need some support.

It also sounds like it would benefit you to talk to someone (your dad, a teacher, a counselor, etc.) about all of the pressure you feel that is placed on you. That can definitely be a big reason why you are feeling the need to escape and cope in other ways.

Hang in there!
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