TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Pilmedium Offline
Finally being myself
Not a n00b
**
 
Pilmedium's Avatar
 
Name: Steph
Age: 31
Gender: Trans
Location: Northeastern U.S.

Posts: 56
Join Date: January 7th 2009

I have a serious binge-eating problem - January 7th 2009, 06:25 PM

I have been unable to do anything about this problem, despite the problems it has caused and the overwhelming evidence that I should quit:

I have a terrible habit of binge eating. It started in 2006, when I suddenly began to have various stomach problems, which have since been identified but not cured. By June of 2007, I had cut back to strictly one meal per day because eating made me so uncomfortable, and it still does. Unfortunately, that one meal has become ever larger. In 2007, it was reasonable for my level of activity, and I did not gain any weight. Yet since August 2008, that one meal has been a daily binge, and I have actually gained xx pounds on one meal per day, despite my moderate physical activity and fast metabolism. As hinted at by my avatar, I often cook a huge portion of pasta, and that is just the appetizer. I then proceed to eat snack foods until I have eaten for a long time. The binge is typically in the evening, and it leaves me debilitated for much of the next day. As the binge is almost a daily occurrence, just doing *anything* is a constant struggle for me. I cannot simply say no to food, and once I start eating, I just can’t stop until I can no longer swallow. Eating >1 meal/day is not an option because eating any food before dinner time makes me feel like I am dying. One of my parents, a former alcoholic who has abstained for more than 13 years, has likened my binge eating to alcohol addiction.

To demonstrate the depth of my problem, let me consider how each line of my favorite song relates to my starchy addiction (the bold print is my application of the words):

I don't know what I've done
Failure to understand the mess I got myself into.
Or if I like what I've begun
The realization that something bad is happening.
But something told me to run
Running to my room (and the food therein) to escape from life.
And honey you know me it's all or none
Either I overeat severely, or I won’t eat at all.

There were sounds in my head
Extreme overeating inducing hallucinatory noises.
Little voices whispering
Conflicting thoughts about my problem.
That I should go and this should end
I should spend my evenings somewhere other than my room and stop overeating.
Oh and I found myself listening
Paying attention to conflicting internal thoughts.

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
This is an admission that the excess food is not a part of me, but that it would be hard to live without.
All I know is that I should
I should know what it is like to live without overeating.
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
The thought of someone else getting the food I want is unbearable.
All I know is that I should
I should let someone else have the extra food that I do not need.
'Cos she will love you more than I could
The person who needs the food more will enjoy it more.
She who dares to stand where I stood
The person who has a temporary eating problem.

See I thought love was black and white
That my lovely food could be only all bad or all good.
That it was wrong or it was right
That my love affair with food could not be a mixed blessing.
But you ain't leaving without a fight
The food will not just go away – saying no to the excess will involve a fight.
And I think I am just as torn inside
Overeating on a nutrient-deficient diet is literally destroying me internally.


[Repeat third section of the song]

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
I will probably always be there for the food if I feel it wants me to eat it.
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
This is the truth – I would sooner part with any person than with my beloved food.
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
Food gave me a sense of self-assurance.
This is what I have to do
I have no choice but to overeat.

Although the substance here is food, please believe me when I say this is every bit as serious as any drug addiction, because it is. The impairment, and the risks involved, are present just as they are with hard drugs.

I do not think anyone can help me, but I posted this just in case someone thinks of something that I haven't...

Last edited by Pandamonium; January 7th 2009 at 06:42 PM. Reason: Weight numbers/reference to weight is not allowed.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Music Offline
Thoroughly medicated
I've been here a while
********
 
Music's Avatar
 
Name: Richard
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Alberta, Canada

Posts: 1,575
Blog Entries: 12
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: I have a serious binge-eating problem - January 7th 2009, 07:21 PM

Have you ever tried getting profesional help for this? There is a lot of help out there for binge eating, through a nutritionist, and even a counselor you can improve a lot. But the thing is, you need to let them know that you need the help, you need to look for them, they're not looking for you.
You're not alone in this problem, there are a lot of people who can understand how hard it is for you to have to go through this and feel like you just can't improve, but you can. There's hope, there's help, and you can do it. You have the strength to get through this, and just looking at your post shows that you do indeed want to get better, and that you have the effort to put into it. You'll get through this, you just need to be strong.


Member since 2005
  Send a message via MSN to Music  
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Pilmedium Offline
Finally being myself
Not a n00b
**
 
Pilmedium's Avatar
 
Name: Steph
Age: 31
Gender: Trans
Location: Northeastern U.S.

Posts: 56
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: I have a serious binge-eating problem - January 8th 2009, 09:38 AM

If I were to seek professional help for this, I would effectively be proving that I do not have the will power to overcome it, and I know I do. I know because I have had eating disorders before, off and on since I was 8 years old. I have always overcome them without professional help. I also hate most nutritionists, with their affinity for dairy products. The mere thought of someone trying to force mainstream ideas about normal eating on me has always scared me, although I realize that my binge eating is causing significant impairment. I was just looking for some motivational words, but it doesn't look like I am going to get any... I'm on my own here.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Music Offline
Thoroughly medicated
I've been here a while
********
 
Music's Avatar
 
Name: Richard
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Alberta, Canada

Posts: 1,575
Blog Entries: 12
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: I have a serious binge-eating problem - January 8th 2009, 10:40 AM

It's not a sign of weakness at all if you ask for help, you say you've been overcoming EDs since you were 8, but doesn't that in itself show that maybe you could use the extra help to get rid of them forever? I'm not saying it's impossible alone, but when there's help available out there, just waiting for you to take it, why wouldn't you?
Support, this is support, I know you can overcome your ED, I know you'll win this fight, but why would you make it harder on yourself just because you feel you should be able to do this alone and because you disagree with some of the things nutritionists have to say. You're not on your own, everyone here is here for you.
You've had EDs off and on since you were 8, I think that in itself is a reason to get help, instead of just treating the ED one of the points of getting help is treating what caused the ED, to help keep it from coming back.


Member since 2005
  Send a message via MSN to Music  
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Pilmedium Offline
Finally being myself
Not a n00b
**
 
Pilmedium's Avatar
 
Name: Steph
Age: 31
Gender: Trans
Location: Northeastern U.S.

Posts: 56
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: I have a serious binge-eating problem - February 15th 2009, 05:48 PM

Binge eating is the only activity I enjoy. If I quit, I will not have anything to live for. In the absence of any real-life friends, food keeps me company each evening. I have been this bad for a long time; it is just now that I am finally suffering from the consequences.

I should also elaborate on the problems it has caused in my family. I actually live with my parents, and commute almost an hour round-trip to and from school each day. I still need to attend five days per week, despite not being full-time. My father refuses to recognize the fact that I have an eating disorder, but is aware that I need it cold inside due to my excessively fast metabolism. He wants to slow down my internal heat production without curing my eating disorder. The result of that action would be rapid, and probably permanent, weight gain. Given my obsession with my physical appearance, I am terrified of that idea and reject it. In fact, I like being able to eat much more than a normal person without gaining much weight. It is like a dream come true. I do not care if it means I am non-functional at school. I have the food and that is all that matters. After a typical, stressful day, I need the food in the evening to make myself feel better for the duration. I feel like the only way to oppose my father’s evil scheme is to reject professional help. If I seek help for an eating disorder, he will take matters into his own hands and become so pushy that I just might off myself. I still hope that I will recover within the next three months by myself. In fact, that was what I was betting on when I decided to withdraw to part-time status due to “medical problems.” Given the above, however, recovery looks nearly impossible.

I have really been feeling low because of this problem. Due to complications arising from the ED, I withdrew to 9 credits, which makes me a "part-time student on academic probation." For that reason, I am now ineligible for most of the school's services. These are the things I need in order to turn my life around, such as the Counseling Center, the Coping with Anxiety group, the GLBT group, the Environmental club, etc. I do not have time for help from outside the school, as I am still attending three classes. That leaves me with no one to turn to, except my worthless self.

Death is too good for me! I deserve to live so that I can suffer!


Another bag of snack food
But that still can't cure the pain
So I stumble to my bedroom
And cry alone, ashamed
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
bingeeating, problem, serious

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.