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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Name: Alisha
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Question Help! I'm conflicted on What to Do!! - April 30th 2010, 04:08 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey, I'm sorry for not posting for a while. But, I'm back and that's what matters right? Well, I have some bad news. I was sorta recovering for a bit but, I don't know. I just started getting upset from my past being thrown in my face a majority of this year so I ended up doing some stupid stuff. I almost had sex when I wasn't ready and then I started abusing pain killers for a brief period of time (aprox. 2 weeks) and then my family woke me up from that so, in that area it's good but I'm back to my ED again. But, I don't know, I just don't have the motivation to stop this time- and I'm not sure why to be honest. And it's been a little annoying for me because there are 2 child & youth care workers that keep pestering me about starving myself. And it's annoying!! I even got the drug person lecturing me about what will happen to my body, blah, blah, blah!!! And I'm sorry to anyone that I'm letting down for this decision. I know that it's bad but, I just don't know what else to do because it makes me feel better about myself-until I gain weight from people forcing me to eat. I'm sorry again...
I'm not sure what to do because a big part of me wants to continue fasting but- a small but strongish part of me desperatly wants to stop. I just get SOO umhappy about my body being fat that I get desperate and I just want to be beautiful really. It's not that bad...is it??


Everthing I see seems to be a lie. And everything you see in me you think is the truth. But, really all you see is what I'm masking the real me with. You never see me cry. Because I'll never let you. And you'll never see me die because I feel like I already have in a way.

   
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Re: Help! I'm conflicted on What to Do!! - April 30th 2010, 05:14 AM

It is that bad. Alisha, have you ever stopped to think that this might be deeper than food and weight? Your having to deal with your past, which you have little to no control over, but guess what you can control..What I'm trying to say is, maybe you are not just starving yourself to be 'beautiful', which by the way, you already are, but maybe it has something to do with needing control?

Let these workers help you. That's what their there for, and they wouldn't fuss if it wasn't a probably. Eating disorders can be deadly. You're fifteen, you have a long life ahead of you, even a great life as it is what you make it, but you have to take care of your body first. Try talking to them, let them help you get to a healthy eating place. You can do this Alisha.

Stay strong, and pm me if you need anything.


She whispered to her own reflection "I will be strong."

"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.


Smile through the tears.


PM me

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