spiralling

[noodle]

im scared, i havent had a full on ED yet but i go through phases when things go bad in my life, they never last long and i usually snap out of it before a week but every time it gets more serious and i recently had a horrible brakup with my long term boyfriend and i think im spiraling, i know whats right and wrong but it makes me feel better, i think its to do with control, needing control. I dont know what to do, i feel stupid talking to anyone about it because im not unusually skinny... yet. what do i do, how can i stop myself before i get in so far this time that i dont have the strength to get myself out of it

[Casey.]

Hey Nicky,

Firstly, you don't have to be skinny to have something wrong. Eating disorders are not just for super thin girls. Average weight girls, and even very over weight girls (and guys) can have eating disorders.

It sounds like your eating gets worse when you are stressed or going through a down part of your life. Talking to someone will help, even if it's just a friend, or even if it's online. I don't just mean about your eating. But if you talk about what causes you to stop eating or whatever it happens to be, it can help. Because talking is an alternative to other things, like starving or purging. If you let out what is wrong, and if you tell yourself that it's okay to eat, and that you can do this, then you can do this. You can get through this.

If you want or need to talk, don't hesitate to pm me.

[Angel]

Eating disorders are usually about gaining control in order to make up for the feeling of a loss of control in another aspect of your life. There is more than one sort of eating disorder, so there is no reason to believe that anyone with an eating disorder must be thin, or that what you are dealing with isn't as serious. Anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, orthorexia nervosa, compulsive overeating, and EDNOS are examples of eating disorders, and each is as consuming and a problem as any other.

Do you have anyone you trust that you can talk to? In a difficult situation, there is no need to seclude yourself when you have friends who care for you. If you know anyone at all you can talk to, perhaps you can try and figure out a way to deal with the problem directly. The support your family and friends can provide you with may prove to be valuable. Instead of resorting to unhealthy behaviours, you can find a creative outlet such as playing an instrument, going out for a walk, spending time with friends, or doing something else you enjoy.

My PM box is always open, so feel free to message me if you'd ever like to talk further. :)

Take care, darling. x

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

Eating disorders do not discriminate. What I mean is just because you may not be 'unusually' skinny does not mean you cannot have one. Eating Disorders are not black and white either. You don't have bulimia or Anorexia and nothing in between, you can have a combination of eating disorders or whatever. For example, I go through stages where I starve myself (just got through that) then I go through stages where I purge and then I go through stages where I just binge completely. Because of this my weight, in the past has fluctuated immensely and I do not look as if I have an eating disorder but that does not mean I don't. All my doctors have told me that I do etc. So just because you may not look like the stereotypical ED person does not mean you are not struggling with one or can not end up struggling with one.

ED are definitely about control; it feels good to be able to control the amount of hunger I feel, control how much food I let myself consume in a day, to control whether or not I punish myself with purging or whatever else. And, that, not losing weight is the reason that I go back to my ED. It is the biggest and 'best' way I know how to harm myself. Getting out of my ED phases are hard as hell and as of now I am still struggling with my phases and overcoming it but it is not an impossible feat.

One thing that might help is to remember that you are not the one in control. The ED or Disordered eating that you are struggling with is in control you are just a tool in it's game. It may seem like you have control but that is what ED wants you to think. What really shows control is your willingness to slowly fight ED. Because, I promise, you are so much stronger than this Disorder.

Here is the thing, you broke up with your boyfriend and that is horrible and heart breaking but I promise there will be other boyfriends. This too shall pass. No matter how bad it seems just remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep holding onto that fact and it can help. That does not mean that you will not go through days or weeks or months where you allow your ED more control than normal but at the end of the day if you have that hope that things will get better it might allow you to keep on fighting. I know that is what keeps me going strong.

I think you should open up to someone about this. I know that it will be hard to do but we are 'as weak as our biggest secrets'. ED wants to keep you in his arms and the best way he knows how to do this is by making you keep him a secret. But, if you refuse to keep him a secret and you speak up you are one step closer to gaining control.

If you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna