i just keep losing and losing. restricting day after day. there's a part of me that wants help. but i feel like i'm not even worth getting help, b/c i'm not at my lowest weight. all i want is to get to my lowest weight. i don't feel like i'm going to stop. i'm scared of myself but pissed at myself at the same time. does this make sense?
Last edited by Casey.; May 27th 2010 at 04:18 AM.
Reason: Removing prefix to fit with the new guidelines.
It is normal to feel this way when you are suffering from an eating disorder. You want to be the lowest weight you can, but you know that it isn't healthy and that this is not the right way to do it. It's a constant struggle and I know what you are going through. I know you want help and you should get help. You are worth it because you are a strong and brave person. The first step to helping you recover from this is seeking help. It can be scary at first, but if you can at least tell one person to start to see that you can tell people about it and seek help. Help may not cure you instantly, but it can help in time and help you deal with these mixed emotions you have due to the eating disorder. Remember that you are beautiful and that you don't deserve to have to be going through this.
If you ever need a shoulder to lean on I am here for you, but I do suggest trying to get help for it.
Everything you said makes sense. I want to share an analogy/example that used to be helpful for me, when I was sick.
I used to feel, as nearly everyone does, that I didn't deserve help for my ED since it wasn't "that bad", since I wasn't "truly sick", etc. Then, in a support group, someone said to me: "If you had cancer, and needed radiation but not chemotherapy, because the cancer hadn't invaded your body to the extent where you needed chemo, would you decide you didn't deserve radiation because you didn't REALLY have cancer, or you weren't REALLY sick enough?" And that truly made me think. Of course not! So, why is this any different? The answer is--it's not. We get caught in the twisted mindset of the eating disorder, but remember to compare it to other things, like this example, to help you get your perspective back. There is no hierarchy of eating disorders, or cancer, or allergies, or anything! The bottom line: if you are struggling, you deserve help.
"Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
I don't know if you have an eating disorder, but you do seem to have an unhealthy body image. I would expect that you're a good size where you are now. 'Good' to me is weight that is proportionate to your height. I'm guessing that 'good' isn't what you're gunning for.
Thank you guys. I'm seeing my therapist on thursday, and I'm going to ask her about telling my family and getting some more serious help. because i don't think i can do this on my own. and i really want to be in a healthy spot when i leave for college. i'll try my best until then.