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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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CrystalJade Offline
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Question Thought I was better, guess I was wrong - May 28th 2010, 08:32 AM

I've struggled with an eating disorder for a long time. It started out with me feeling bad because I was chunky and people called me fat. It went to me feeling food was "bad" and felt horrible for eating. Then it went to me skipping meals and eating very little. I've gone days without eating a single bite. Then more recently, I started making myself sick. My friends know I have this problem and it upsets them. The one person that means the world to me got extremely upset so I stopped... for a while...

I started cutting and I started eating again. I only ate little amounts again and also mainly fruit. At least I was eating and not making myself throw up though. Then just a couple of weeks ago I made the decision to stop cutting, get myself clean of EVERYTHING. I've done a LOT of things and most for the same reason but that's a different problem. I've stopped cutting for now but tonight I gave in and made myself throw up. I'm so upset with myself because I thought I was getting better if not better. Part of me is telling me how upset I am but the other part is telling me how great it is to not have that food inside me anymore.

I just don't know what to do... I can't turn to anyone because they all get mad. None of my friends understand completely and I would really enjoy turning to that special someone but there's complications in our ability to communicate freely and he would get SO upset. What's worse than me being disappointed in myself is him being disappointed in me and himself. He doesn't really make me the blame for it, he feels he's at blame for everything that happened.

Any suggestions? I'm afraid that even if you may have advice and help for me that the only way I can get better is if he helps me. If your going to say anything don't say I should just leave him. I've been in love with him for over a year and even after he put me through what he did I still was in love with him for every second of it. So don't tell me I don't know what love is because I'm too "young" because I know all to well. I'm waiting for him and I will until he comes back. I've waited almost 7 months and I'm able to wait longer if it means being with him.
   
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Re: Thought I was better, guess I was wrong - May 29th 2010, 05:28 AM

I will say that it is possible to be in love at your age, but it is hard to maintain relationships during your stage in life. All power to you for waiting for him I think it's a wise decision if he makes you feel good and gives you some courage.

I know it's hard to believe, but I know what you are going through. I self harmed and developed eating disorders. I am proud to say that I have not hurt myself in over a year and that my eating disorder is getting better and better as time progresses. It's hard to go cold turkey from self harm and eating disorder because they are both forms of hurting yourself. You need to do things slowly. I found that blogging and talking to others and getting support helped me get through it all.

I think this may be a good option for you. Just keep reaching out to people and try to occupy yourself so that you will not find the time to do these things or have a desire to. It's not the easiest thing to get over, also have you considered seeing someone about it? I know it's not for everybody, but it might feel nice to reach out to someone who you don't know well and who is trained to help individuals going through the problems you are. I say continue to surround yourself with people including him. If that makes you happy and can help you get through this struggle then you shouldn't let go of those people. You have to have a reason to stop and often loved ones are a reason. If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM me.

Best,
Lexy
   
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Re: Thought I was better, guess I was wrong - May 29th 2010, 05:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lexy9e View Post
I will say that it is possible to be in love at your age, but it is hard to maintain relationships during your stage in life. All power to you for waiting for him I think it's a wise decision if he makes you feel good and gives you some courage.

I know it's hard to believe, but I know what you are going through. I self harmed and developed eating disorders. I am proud to say that I have not hurt myself in over a year and that my eating disorder is getting better and better as time progresses. It's hard to go cold turkey from self harm and eating disorder because they are both forms of hurting yourself. You need to do things slowly. I found that blogging and talking to others and getting support helped me get through it all.

I think this may be a good option for you. Just keep reaching out to people and try to occupy yourself so that you will not find the time to do these things or have a desire to. It's not the easiest thing to get over, also have you considered seeing someone about it? I know it's not for everybody, but it might feel nice to reach out to someone who you don't know well and who is trained to help individuals going through the problems you are. I say continue to surround yourself with people including him. If that makes you happy and can help you get through this struggle then you shouldn't let go of those people. You have to have a reason to stop and often loved ones are a reason. If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM me.

Best,
Lexy

I went to get him today but I couldn't. For some reason his mom hated me before she ever met me and now she won't let us talk or anything. It has to be secret. I was really upset that he couldn't hang out or go to my home town with us but I understand. At least one of his friends and mine got to see him but I didn't. I had to hide so his mom wouldn't find out I was there.

I won't go to a professional. I don't want my parents knowing, I don't like letting them in on my life. My mom had an eating disorder when she was my age and she's talked about it before. They've noticed before when I stopped eating and it was really difficult for them and me knowing they were suspicious.

Thank you for the advice. You helped out a little. It's making me think.
   
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Re: Thought I was better, guess I was wrong - May 29th 2010, 05:59 AM

Good dear! I am always here for you no matter. I'm someone you can count on. I know it's scary to go to professionals because of the parent situation. I'm sorry about the boy that is unfortunate that his mother isn't fond of you because you seem like a great girl who any sons mother should be glad he has! I'm sure she is just not happy with dating and all that. It could be why she is concerned. Mothers can be somewhat protective so maybe she's that type and it's nothing too personal. If you feel comfortable enough with your mom maybe you can talk to her about it. Since she's been through this she might have some tips and who knows you guys might even bond a bit. I've struggled with one myself and will be happy to listen to you whenever!

Best,
Lexy
   
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Re: Thought I was better, guess I was wrong - May 29th 2010, 06:35 AM

I don't really think my mom's mentally stable... I don't like talking to her.

With his mom it is personal... She's texted me before and called me a whole bunch of names. She has, I think, 9 kids total and won't get a job. I had a backstabbing "friend" that I no longer talk to that she adored. This "friend" was from about the same situation she has. His mom always thought I was all these things and this "friend" is just proving herself to be what she accused me of. I think it's that she feels threatened by me because I was taking away her little chore boy and babysitter. I think it'll be funny if I do come back in the picture. I'll put up with her for him though. It's worth it.

I told my "friend" (that girl that his mom likes) about my problem and she had the nerve to ask me if I'm doing it for his attention and at that time I didn't have any contact with him (I don't now either). I think my "friend" told his mom a lot of lies about me. I pleaded with her to get to know me and she refused to. In her household her kids and her referred to me as "His wh*r@". Their lives are messed up too... She moved her family away about an hour away from me just to keep him away from me and then her second oldest son got in trouble for doing things to his siblings. I feel bad for the kids, and there was one or two I really adored. It's just that she did horrible things to me and got horrible things in return.
   
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