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letgoslowly Offline
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okay, soo... - June 12th 2010, 06:28 AM

feel free to move this if needed

well im a cutter. and i always confide in my bestfriend, who was bulimic and a cutter. her ED was worse than the cutting, and lately she's been feeling like puking again, she hasn't, but she's been thinking about it. and problem is, i have to. i dont have a ED but everyday lately, ive been thinking. like cutting is no longer enough, ive thought about burning too. the other day when i was straightening my hair, i held my finger on it. i cant tell her. especially about the thoughts of puking, bcuz i know she would get mad, bcuz of the fact that she had problems with it, that are kinda coming back. idk what to do. and i tried inhalents the other day, only once! i know thats bad, and ive been sniffing sharpies. but nothing. still. everything is just getting worse. i mean, a long time ago i thought i would never be one to try drugs, but now, i find myself trying to get my hands on pot:/ and idk anything about myself anymore. i wouldve never thought that i would be one to cut myself and think about suicide constantly either! but i do. about 2 and a half years now. and the only person who knows any of this at all , is my bestfriend. i feel so bad for doing this all to her, and for thinking about an ED.everything has just went on too long. i just want to leave this all behind. go for good. i wish the world would just... go away. you know what world? kiss my ass.

I'm burning out like a bright light, I wasn't ready for this. You're adorable as hell, but I'm glancing at your wrist.
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Jen Offline
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Re: okay, soo... - June 12th 2010, 07:38 PM

Hey Di,

Maybe it would be a good idea to talk to someone other than your best friend? It's always good to have friends as supports, but like you said, it might not work for you to keep talking to her about this, because it could trigger her, and she's dealing with it as well. Is there any adult you trust, or even kind of like? A parent, other family member, teacher, friend's parent, etc.? I'd really think about reaching out to someone about what's going on. They can support you, as well as maybe direct you to any professional help that would be beneficial--and it's scary to reach out but also totally worth it. It doesn't have to be like this, and I promise you, it can and does get better, and it's worth taking those steps forward, even if it's scary.

Hang in there and take good care of yourself!

"Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

“if nothing changed, there’d be no butterflies”

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