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Control Issues - June 16th 2010, 02:04 AM

I haven't used this site in years. Honestly I'm twenty one now so I am probably too old to be here but this is a good forum and I'm not sure where else to post this.

Some of you may remember me, I'm not sure how many old members still frequent this site, I know the people I am still close with (there are only 4 or 5 of them) do not but I'm guessing some people do.

My boyfriend just broke up with me, it was a perfect relationship for 6 months then everything changed and it became very painful, abusive and just terrible all around but I'm still in love with him, despite the fact that he ignored me for almost 6 months (long distance army relationship) and then ended everything by changing his status to single and not even writing an email...

I have been a mess since things went sour and even worse since the official end... I have issues with codependency and I was drinking quite a bit. I recently got in a lot of trouble due to drinking and I'm being forced to attend AA meetings. I'm not long allowed to leave the house without my Mother or Father coming with me. I am not allowed to drink at all (I Am NOT an alcoholic, I just overdid it the night he broke up with me and am suffering the consequences) basically I can't do anything, I can't make my own decisions or go out with friends... I have no control.

I had issues with anorexia when I was in high school. I haven't relapsed since the summer after my freshmen year in college, which was two years ago. I can feel myself falling into that pattern again. My body image is crap (it always has been), my self confidence is awful and losing the guy I loved really hurt me... and the lack of control is a HUGE issue for me. HUGE HUGE HUGE. I think half the reason I was able to stay away from those ED tendencies for the past two years was becuase I was with my ex and he loved me body... don't have that anymore.

I am falling back into the patterns again but I'm not sure what to do. I need to have some control over my life but that's a bit hard when your parents treat you like a 5 year old.
   
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Re: Control Issues - June 16th 2010, 05:42 AM

Don't feel like you're too old for this site. True, it's mainly targeted toward teenagers, but everyone on here is glad to help any age, I'm quite sure. =D

I'm sorry your relationship ended with your boyfriend, and I understand that you love him, but sometimes it's good to recognize when something's not logical. It's not quite logical to still love him, is it? You definitely deserve to be treated better and you deserve to be happy. I have faith that you can begin to believe that what he did to you speaks to HIS character and not yours. It shows that you're the better person. His cruelty can never define anyone but himself. You are only your reactions to the world around you.

Maybe, since you know you can't change the mistakes you've made, you should just accept them, try to learn something from them and move forward. It will probably be difficult to have to deal with all the supervision, but I have confidence that you can handle it. You don't have control over that supervision, and the truth is, there are some things in your life that will just happen and you will never have control over them. But there are MANY things you CAN control. Self-destruction should not be one of them, as it never gets you anywhere productive. Control your reactions, as I said. Control the things you choose to participate in. Paint, draw, read, dance. Create, do not destroy.

You don't need a man to tell you you're beautiful in order to know it. Your body is your body, and it's the only thing you really own so you should love it. Forget what the magazines and media are telling us is 'beautiful'. Any woman, no matter how small or large, is beautiful only because they feel that way and because of their personality.

If you ever need a friend to talk to, don't hesitate to private message me.


"Life should not be measured by how far we can fall, but how high we can climb."



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Re: Control Issues - June 20th 2010, 12:06 AM

Marlie said it best. She's right, first you are not too old for TH. Yes, it may be TeenHelp but we turn no one away, no matter what age.Try not to think of it as being forced to do things, or being supervised. Learn to accept that somethings you can't change, but you can always change your attitude toward it. You can control things in your life, but as Marlie said, destructive behaviours should not be something you use for control. Drinking, harming, and disordered eating shouldn't be used for control, because those are actually out of control, they give you a false sense of control. You can get through this, you just have to try, and try to find the positives in your situation, because there are always positives, in every situation. Sometimes you just have to dig really deep to find them. Hang in there.


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"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.


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