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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Tilley Offline
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when is it time to say no? - January 7th 2009, 11:22 PM

I dance.
I love to dance.
Ballet, Alternative, Jazz, However the music tells me to dance, I will.

there's comfort in knowing I can at least do one thing right.

My ballet teacher, Andre, Wanted me to be a certain weight.
So, I lost a few pounds. It was hard, but SO satisfactory.

When I showed him I had lost the weight, he demanded I become even lighter, because "imagine how high samuel could lift you then!"

So I lost more weight. and the same thing happened. "Dont you want to be a great Dancer? And get out of this stuffy little town?"

I am still able to lose weight. I want to. I want to be a great dancer. I can do it, I'm just not sure if I should. I dont to get sick.

how much weight is safe to lose when you're 16, xxx , and you dance, run, and ride horses?

also, how do I stop this...? how do I break the pattern I started? and how do I tell my dance instructor no?

Last edited by Music; January 7th 2009 at 11:40 PM. Reason: Took out height as a precaution
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: when is it time to say no? - January 7th 2009, 11:42 PM

Just say no, no means no. He shouldn't be encouraging you to do this, it's your body and he isn't a doctor, he has no way of knowing if what he's telling you is doing more harm than good.
The only way to know how much you should weigh at your age is to go see your doctor and ask them, it's different for everyone.
If you're having trouble stopping this maybe you'd benefit from talking to a doctor about it? A counselor if you're still in school, a parent, teacher, anybody who you think can help you. The sooner you intervene in this the easier it will be to get out of it.


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Re: when is it time to say no? - January 8th 2009, 06:18 AM

Hi Aurora. I used to be a pretty intense ballet dancer as well, and I made it about to keep my weight constant, rather than lose the weight all of the company dancers and teachers told me to lose--I attempted to be happy with the way I was then, and I can say that I'm pretty happy with the way I am now. You need to tell your teacher that while you do want to take your dancing to the next level, you're not going to sacrifice your health with it. If people can't be happy seeing you perform as YOU, that's something wrong on their part, not yours.

As Ricky suggested, no one weight is "normal" because of things like height, muscle mass, etc, and even if there were, we couldn't give them out here as weight numbers are against the rules. However, I think YOU know what's best for you at this point and I'm happy for you for knowing that you don't have to be unhealthy to be a world class ballerina! Take care.



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Re: when is it time to say no? - January 8th 2009, 07:02 AM

I used to dance. A lot. I loved dance. Tap, jazz, ballet, anything. Everything. Some gym, too. I was pretty good, I guess you'd say. Heh.

I just wanted to be like "them," to be "great." To be the perfect ballerina. I would do anything to be better. I just wanted to dance. I didn't care about what people said, I was going to be wonderful. And it almost killed me. I lost something I absolutely loved, because I got too sick. Too sick from not eating. I was so small, I looked frail, I looked like death, like I'd break if I fell. My family was afraid to hug me. I was too young to even know that it had a name, when anorexia stole my dreams from me.

Don't do it, Aurora. Hold on to the things you love, hold on to you and love you, just how you are. You are perfect, just how you are. Don't compromise that. You deserve more. Better.

Feel free to PM me, if you want or need to talk.



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Re: when is it time to say no? - January 9th 2009, 09:16 PM

I would just say don't go too far. I think that it's actually pretty simple and easy to tell when you have, when your body tells you to stop, to turn it around. That doesn't mean you have to gain the weight back, but losing too much too quickly isn't safe, nor is listening to your teacher until you've become way too thin. Make sure you stay healthy, Aurora.
-Calla
   
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Re: when is it time to say no? - January 18th 2009, 05:16 PM

so since I made this post, I've been at Dance school, in the city. nothing big. Just a week at a small school, working on pretty basic stuff and then a performance ant the end for friends and family to see how we'd improved.
Anyway, another instructor there said I needed to lose weight if I wanted to get better.

so I did. but it doesn't feel great. I miss nice food. and, aside from that, I'm tired, and it's hard to go to work some days. but they say i'm getting better. that I'm moving up some.

the answers you guys have posted tell me i'm doing it all wrong, but when I dance, and dance well, it feels right.


If I could get,
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Another Dance
with him

I would play a song
that would never ever end
I would love, love, love,
To dance with my father again.
   
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Re: when is it time to say no? - January 19th 2009, 02:30 PM

What we are telling you is the truth. What your dance teachers are telling you is a bunch of crap. "You shouldn't have to be perfect in others eyes, you should just be perfect in your own." Please, don't give into them, you are so young. If you keep doing this, it won't be pretty for long.


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Don't listen to what people say.
They don't know the real you, anyways.
   
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Re: when is it time to say no? - January 19th 2009, 03:13 PM

Its kind of hard to advise you when I don't know what you're eating, your weight and height.. and your history in general..I think I have a slightly different answer to what others have said. I don't really personally understand the exact pressures of dancing and how much these trained coaches know about health and stuff either so maybe i'm not the best person to be listening to.

It seems to me that you are on a slippery slope really.
I think you are right to be cautious, it is good that you are aware that this could go too far. I don't know your history and whether or not you have suffered with an eating disorder before and if you have previously suffered with an ED I would maybe be offering slightly different advice. If you have had one, i'd say sod them all and just say no..because it means you could slip back and that's not what you want. It's too much hard work to get out of.
If you are not a previous sufferer of an eating disorder I don't think it's completely out of order to lose any weight..I think as long as you do it carefully and you're eating rather than starving..then why isn't it okay? I would recommend going to a registered dietician and raise your concerns..say that you feel you are on a slippery slope and want to be healthy and need to be slim to advance your dance career. Being slim isn't necessarily about eating less, it doesn't mean starving. It doesn't mean you can't ever eat chocolate again..it perhaps just means a smaller amount of it. If you go to a dietician perhaps they can give you an informed opinion as to when to say no..when is too far. Go to the docs for a referral and express your concerns..and a referral shouldn't take too long for dieticians. x
   
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Re: when is it time to say no? - January 19th 2009, 07:56 PM

well I haven't had an ED before. I dont think I'm alowwed to say what i'm eating in here, am I?
well anyway, me instuctor, Andre, says that i dont need to see a doctor or dietian. he says to just keep eating and exercising the way as he tells me to, and I'll be fine.

guess i'm just a bit scared. I want to be beautiful, and a great dancer, but i dont want to be sick.


If I could get,
Another chance
Another Walk
Another Dance
with him

I would play a song
that would never ever end
I would love, love, love,
To dance with my father again.
   
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Re: when is it time to say no? - January 20th 2009, 11:03 PM

Go talk to a dietrician. Why would he tell you not to if he was telling you to do something that was healthy?
Would you rather do the best you can now, or die of an eating disorder? Yeah, that's pretty harsh, but it can happen. That is not a battle you want to get into, and you don't need to.

Do what you feel comfortable with, and if you're questioning it enough to make a thread, I think you know it your heart and mind it's wrong to jeopardize your health.



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Re: when is it time to say no? - January 20th 2009, 11:40 PM

If an eating disorder progresses enough, you won't even be able to dance, dear. Talking to a dietitian may help a lot, especially with those who know to suit the nutritional needs of a dancer such as you. Your ability as a dancer does not absolutely rely on how much you weigh. If you have true talent and ambition, it will lead you far. You seem to know what's best for you already- listen to yourself, and yourself only. Don't give up your health and what may be your life to become somebody that someone else envisions you as.

Take care, Aurora.


"Years ago, I knew a boy who made all the wrong choices."

   
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Re: when is it time to say no? - January 21st 2009, 12:15 AM

i will go see one, I guess....

but truth is, I sorta like this diet.
I was looking at another girls blog today, and she is a great dancer... somehwre in my level, probably above. and she was thin. Really, truly, beautiful.

I want to be like that. I want to be the dancer my instructor has in mind.
I will still go to the doctors and all.... i'm sure she'll say it's okay


If I could get,
Another chance
Another Walk
Another Dance
with him

I would play a song
that would never ever end
I would love, love, love,
To dance with my father again.
   
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