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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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ponygirl733 Offline
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Why can't it STOP - June 24th 2010, 05:50 PM

It never goes away. I know my ED is not as serious now as when I was being continually hospitalized for complications of anorexia and having feeding tubes stuffed down my nose, but it never, ever goes away. I'm in recovery, but I still purge, I still exercise and I still want it to be over with.

My body image is still bad. At least I think it is. I don't know if I really am fat or if I just think I am. I mean, I'm technically slightly underweight still, but I honestly don't know what I look like. Every time I look in the mirror I see something different. And I don't even remember the last time I looked in the mirror to check an outfit or even put contacts in, and didn't start obsessing about my weight.

I guess I just want to know if it will get better. Is it possible to completely recover or will I be like this forever, going back and forth with my eating habits, never quite being normal.
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Re: Why can't it STOP - June 24th 2010, 09:34 PM

I'm sorry that you had to came to that point.
I know how bad our self image can be, and it's part of an ED to think we are fat, doesn't matter if we're underweight or we have a "normal" weight. You know it I guess.
From the time I was coping with anorexia (I'm mostly bulimic) I found it hard to stop starving because that feeling of control, such a power, over myself made me feel great, like I was doing something right for once in my life, and food was the enemy. To be honest, sometimes I wonder if I'd ever want to recover if I had kept restricting myself...
But then I found out I was feeling this powerful because I had no control in other matters of my life, my parents treated me like a 5 y.o. child, I wouldn't talk about my likes and dislikes with other people because of my huge fear of being crictised, I didn't know how to live without pretending, I didn't know how to say NO, this is not what I want, this is my life..
I don't know if that may help, but if you learn to lead your life, the eating stuff would be a second matter. I haven't done it yet, that's why I keep on this as well.
AND 60% of people with EDs recover completey, you have to think your ED doesn't have more control over you than the control you want it to have, and the fact you're on recovery is a huge steep to overcome it.
Just do your best, no one can ask you for more
All the best xx

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"And if you told me 'go to the hell', I'd tell you I know pretty well that place"
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Casey. Offline
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Re: Why can't it STOP - June 25th 2010, 04:56 AM

You can completely recover for an eating disorder. But it takes time, years even, to fully recover, and it involves therapy and getting help, and talking about it. Recovery doesn't just happen, and you slip and fall a lot, but you have to keep getting back up. Recovery starts that first time you wake up thinking that you don't want to be this way anymore, when you first realize that you have no control, and you start fighting to get that control back. It's a long, difficult journey, but it can be done.

It does get better, but you have to work at it. It won't just fix itself, you have to start fixing it. When you look in the mirror, tell yourself that you are beautiful, or find something positive about your appearance. Tell yourself that you are fine just the way you are, and that you don't need to lose weight. Change the way you think, and the other behaviours will follow.Just hang in there.

She whispered to her own reflection "I will be strong."

"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.

Smile through the tears.

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