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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 16th 2010, 02:46 AM

do you ever secretly wish u HAD a eating disorder?

i mean idk y but sometimes i wish i had a eating disorder so i could lose weight...i try to eat healthy but im ALWAYS hungry no matter what little tricks or tips i try...its like a bad habit i need to break people think i dont eat sometimes but i eat so much...theres a song called Someone I Once Knew by Dead Celebrity Status and theres a part where a girl says "a few more pounds wont jepordise my health" and i keep thinking they WONT jepordise my health i weigh myself at every scale i see and its depressing im 5'5 or so and i weigh [Edited] differently on various scales so i can never be sure either way my bmi says im overweight, its hard to find clothes i fit and feel comfortable in and i look like a cow i dont feel good about my weight at all i even try to exercise regulary theres not alot to do in a little tiny town in the middle of nowhere when u dont have a ton of money

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Last edited by eunoia; July 16th 2010 at 03:24 AM. Reason: Please do not post weight figures anywhere on TeenHelp.
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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 16th 2010, 02:53 AM

Not going to lie... I wish I hated food so I could be a little thinner. But having Thyroidism and liking food doesn't help.

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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 16th 2010, 02:54 AM

Yes, I have before. But then I remember this:

Recognition of eating disorders as real and treatable diseases is critically important. The consequences of eating disorders can be severe. For example, one in ten cases of anorexia nervosa leads to death from starvation, cardiac arrest, kidney failure, other medical complications, or suicide.
Without treatment, up to twenty percent (20%) of people with serious eating disorders die.

With all the problems eating disorders can cause, the major problem being death, the weight you'd lose isn't worth it. You might want to be thin, but would you honestly want to risk your life just to lose some weight? I know that I wouldn't.

My advice is to visit a doctor, lose weight in a healthy way. Losing weight is perfectly possible. You don't need to risk death to do it.

A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts

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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 16th 2010, 02:57 AM

i have to admit i do know a girl in my town who lost her mother to anorexia but what is anorexia exactly? does it just mean u have no appetite what so ever?

The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 16th 2010, 04:05 AM

There are various "types" of anorexia (and other eating disorders). The word anorexia most literally means "lack of appetite", however the word is generally used to mean "anorexia nervosa", a psychiatric disorder characterized by disordered eating, specifically a refusal to maintain a healthy body weight and preoccupation with food, calories, body weight, exercise, et cetera.

Just a note here before I get started: this post sounds kind of ranty, but that's because this is something I am passionate about. I'm not intending to sound patronizing and I'm not angry or upset; I just want you and anyone else who happens along this thread to hear it from someone who has been there.

As someone who has struggled with food and body image since a preteen, I can promise you one thing--you don't want an eating disorder. It might seem glamorous or like the quickest/most ideal way to lose unwanted weight, but in reality eating disorders are deadly. There is a constant obsession over how many calories you've consumed, you begin to weigh every time you are near a scale and panic over every insignificant weight gain (water weight, weight around/during your period, normal fluctuations in body weight during the course of a day).

You are hurting your body in so many ways. Your hair begins to fall out but at the same time you grow fine hairs all over your body due to loss of insulating body fat. You will suffer vitamin deficiencies. You bruise easily and are prone to dermatological problems, all while damaging your internal organs, including your heart. You will feel tired all of the time but will be unable to sleep regularly or through an entire night, if you can fall asleep at all. You begin to stop socializing in order to hide your weight loss and focus on your obsession. There are even little things people don't often talk about like being unable to have a bowel movement and burping a lot (awesome, right?) Most people with eating disorders suffer from depression and studies suggest anorexia is the most deadly psychiatric illness. It's miserable, and those are only some of the problems associated with anorexia and other eating disorders.

Then there's confidence. I'm not sure I'll ever feel like I am "good enough" when looking in a mirror again. I know I am good enough. A vast majority of the time I am aware that I am good enough. I know I am funny, personable, intelligent, and capable of great success, but it kills me me to look in a mirror or to try on clothes. It is painful to think that for the rest of my life I may look in the mirror and hate the person I see, no matter what I look like to the rest of the world. It's scary to know that this illness could kill me one day. Did you know that children of parents with eating disorders are more likely to develop one themselves? And so what if it's my fault my child has an eating disorder? How am I meant to live with that? I don't even HAVE a child yet, and this pains me everyday of my life.

I'm not sharing all of this to make you feel guilty. I'm not doing it because you've upset me. I just want you to do yourself one of the biggest favors you ever will: if you are unhappy with your body weight make a lifestyle change that is HEALTHY for you and those around you, one that will enable you to feel good about yourself and live a long life, not one that will make you hate yourself and could kill you. Eat healthy, exercise, and talk to your doctor about what you can do. Remember (and this is by no means meant to sound patronizing) you're only fifteen; your body is still rapidly changing and developing. New research suggests that even ADULTS can still be carrying around "baby fat". Just because the weight isn't coming off now doesn't mean it won't in the future. It's hard, I know, but working hard to live a healthy life is so much better than the alternative.

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Last edited by eunoia; July 16th 2010 at 04:36 AM.
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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 16th 2010, 04:46 AM

Jes is right, eating disorders are much much more than being thin. Eating disorders, are nothing glamorous, actually some of the things that I did on a regular basis to continue my disordered eating was quite discusting and demented. Eating disorders require that you become obsessed with losing weight... so you spend ALL of your time focusing on maintaining your weight loss or losing more. You never enjoy these so-called "benifits" of an eating disorder because you are sick, and weak, obsessed with numbers, calories, the food you can't eat, and becomming smaller. People with eating disorders are never ever satisfied with their bodies truely. Everything becomes distorted, you can't focus, you can't enjoy anything about life anymore. It is a deep black hole of endless pain. You can't stop, you don't know how, you feel like you've been swallowed up... Everything you once loved turns into background noise, and your whole life becomes a full time job. Everything becomes a game of look but don't touch. I would equate it with self torture.

I also want to say that I'm not trying to be mean here, really we are so stern in delivering our arguement because we don't want anyone go to through what we've experienced. When I started out, I was a tiny bit over weight... I just wanted to lose some weight and become beautiful like all the people in my choir. I was a dancer, a singer... I had many friends, I made good grades... I had the world at my feet. By the time my disordered eating ended, I had dropped out of school, lost all my friends due to the seclusion of the disorder, lost all my dreams of being a singer and a dancer, was borderline overweight, drinking heavily to avoid food and my life, and I would do ANYTHING to take back what I had done.

Now I plan to go to school to become certified to help those with eating disorders because it affected me so tramendously... I am one of the lucky ones who made it out without any serious health problems, but many people don't. Many people die trying to be thin. As a matter of fact although I am recovered, I still struggle with attaching my worth to a number, and that's what it is... it's attaching who you are to your body, when in reality, your body is just a suit...

Like a diet of the mind, I just choose not to indulge certain appetites; like my appetite for patterns; perhaps my appetite to imagine and to dream. - A Beautiful Mind

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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 16th 2010, 04:51 AM

Jessie said it best. But let me add to that.
Originally Posted by Asylum View Post
Did you know that children of parents with eating disorders are more likely to develop one themselves?
My mum had anorexia when she was younger, she still struggles with her body image and she still goes on restricting diets and binges, she's in her fifties. I also have an eating disorder, because I was raised to worry about my weight, I was raised around calorie counting and diets. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder when I was eighteen, I've been crash dieting and worrying about my weight since my early teens. I'm twenty, and my body is failing because of the way I have treated it.

Jessie mentioned a lot of health problems, but she forgot to mention losing your period, which might sound great, but it's not. It's actually rather scary. Also having flaky, pale, dry skin, brittle yellowing nails, loose teeth if you purge, sore throats, and not being able to keep food down when you try to eat, it's not worth it.

So no, if I had a choice, I wouldn't wish I had an eating disorder. Every girl I know how has one, wouldn't wish it on her worse enemy. It's hell. You put yourself through hell everyday and every ounce you gain is a freak out. It's not worth the damage it does. If you want to lose weight, do it the right way, with proper eating and exercise. Don't jeopardize your health and your life for a quick fix, because an eating disorder is not a quick fix. It's a deadly, dangerous road.

Don't hesitate to pm me, anytime.

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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 16th 2010, 05:27 AM

Hey there,

I think Jes and Casey gave a lot of reasons why eating disorders are not something to wish for. They did an excellent job and I hope you take their warnings to heart.

Before I get started I also want you to know that I am not angry with this post and I can understand where you are coming from to an extent. I am considered overweight. When I was younger I used to think 'I wish I had an eating disorder.' OR 'I wish I could do an eating disorder right.' See, I have had an eating disorder since I was in like first grade. However, I don't look like it. I have gone through all different stages of it. I would restrict/binge. I would simply restrict. I would binge. I would purge/restrict.

Now, for a long time I did a lot of bingeing. Eating was my comfort. I always felt if I were fat then no one would pay any attention to me and I would be safe. I also felt comfort from food. When I ate my emotions went away. However due to my excessive bingeing I gained a lot of weight and was/am overweight. I always hated myself for that but the comfort of being fat and not having guys show interest was stronger.

In between my periods of excessive bingeing I would restrict as well. Usually weightloss was not predominant because along with the restricting would come bingeing.

However, in 2007 I strayed away from bingeing and turned to restricting and occasionally purging. Because of the fact that I was overweight it got out of hand and no one noticed it.I could feel the effects of it on my body but because I wasn't thin enough I wanted to keep doing it. I just wanted to lose a little more weight and then it would be fine.

In 2008 I went into a program and I was told if I didn't stop self harming I would be sent to a hospital and I wouldn't be able to get my high school diploma. Therefore, I went back to bingeing. I ate because I couldn't cut. I hated myself for it and I gained a lot.

End of 2008 I went back to starving myself and purging etc. It got really bad by August of 2008. I was purging 3-4 times a day and hardly consuming any food at all.

It took its toll on my body. My throat hurt, my bones ached, I was repulsed by food and the weight I did lose wasn't enough and I felt even worse about myself. I ended up having to seek treatment. Which was hard because all the girls were thin and then there was me. I got treatment and I learned how to eat properly. I ended up leaving treatment December of 2009. It was good step to take.

I am now back to restricting/purging/bingeing (only on occasion). Mostly I just restrict. And here is the thing, I am at the lowest weight ever, I fit into a size I have never fit into in my adult life but it still isn't good enough. When I look in the mirror I still hate myself and all I can think is "Lose another XXX and you will be fine. Once you get to your target weight you can go back to eating regularly."

And here is the other thing, I have trouble eating anything because I know it could lead to me gaining back all the weight I lost. I couldn't have that happen. I know how to eat and I do on occasion but I am scared shitless of food and weight gain and I am obsessed with getting down to another size. I don't have a scale but I do get a thrill out of putting my pants on and feeling them get looser and looser.

There are days when I feel full, even though I haven't eaten, and there are days when I want to eat and can't. I hate it. I am consumed by it. The only thing I am allowing myself to eat is a chicken salad and one piece of pita bread. I know I can still eat food and not gain weight. I know I can eat food and lose weight in a healthy manner but my Eating disorder comsumes me.

Also, you may be thinking that because you are overweight that an Eating Disorder won't effect you negatively but it will. It does me and it will you. Eating Disorders don't discriminate and they don't care if you get sick. They won't not effect you negatively just because you are not rail thin.

Right now I suffer from dizzy spells, headaches, chest pains, fatigue etc. You will go through this too.

You know, eating disorders increase the chances of osteoporosis. And one purge, if your potassium level is low enough can cause a heart attack. There are so many negative things that can and will happen if you get into this. And, it gets bad fast.

If you want to lose weight to feel better about yourself forget that because once ED takes hold no weight will be good enough.

If you want to lose weight to be healthy go for it. If you can talk to a nutritionist. If that is not possible go to your general practitioner and ask for advice etc.

Add some more fruits and veggies to your meals and do a little exercise. Take your dog for a walk. Go walking with friends. Make it fun. Make it a lifestyle choice. Don't make it a job. Just make your diet and exercise natural and you will see results.

You do not need to or want to turn to an Eating Disorder to lose weight. It will consume you.

I hope this helped and if you ever need anything feel free to pm me.


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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 16th 2010, 09:40 AM

Sometimes I wish I could come back to anorexia =(

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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 16th 2010, 09:55 AM

I agree with Jes and Casey 100%.

This is coming from someone with an ED.
I think sometimes eating disorders are seen as an easy simple way of loosing weight that you can control. The reality it really isn't. It becomes an addiction and before you know it it is too late and you are too far in to just go back to normal eating. Not to mention all the health problems it causes.
I'm not saying this next bit to be angry or anything, but I really don't get people who 'want' an ED. And it does make me sad that people do. I guess I don't understand it because maybe I have one?
I think if you want to loose weight, you need to do it a healthy way and perhaps go to your doctors.

Take care, x
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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 16th 2010, 01:12 PM

I'm actually very underweight myself (so would like to gain a little), but I know I could easily willpower myself back to proper eating habits if I fixed my depression or it ever became unhealthy. ED are a lot tougher to battle, extremely dangerous, very hard to cure and very mentally stressful. So no, I would never want one. It most certainly wouldn't make me look better and it would destroy my health.

A lot of people die from ED, especially anorexia. It's a very horrible illness and extremely stressful for both the victim and those close to them. The people who have it go through hell.

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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 16th 2010, 02:36 PM

My sister has an ED and had to be hospitalized because she became really ill. I always looked at her and wanted to cry, at one point, i couldn't ever hug her because of her bones. I could see how much pain she was it and it was awful. Although i knew what pain she was going through, i always wished i could loose weight like she did.

Now i find myself pugeing and dieting, and i wouldn't say i have an eating disorder because i don't think i do, but i now hate the way i see my own body image and i hate the things i do to try loose weight.

I know the hardest part for my sister, is that she hasnt had a period in 27/28 months and theres a risk she wont be able to have children and its something she really wants.

Its not healthy, so i suggest if you do want to lose weight, to see you're doctor.

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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 18th 2010, 05:32 PM

Read this carefully. Im not going to tell you your right or wrong like most people try to. it isnt bad to eat a lot, but its not good either. you shouldnt wish you had an eating disorder. its a horrible thing tohave to live with. instead, just try exercise. if you exercise a lot, it increases your metabolism and burns calories faster. you probably knew that, but a good thing for you would be to join a sports team. im not saying you have to, or you shouldnt, but if you do, it helps a lot. youll feel a drive to help your team. and if you feel that, youll want to get stronger and faster, and youll find the more you do it, the better you will feel. and 1 last thing, dont waste your money on diets, they dont work. trust me on that.

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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 20th 2010, 12:27 AM

I used to always want an eating disorder but I had the same Issue with always being hungry. I was never fat or overweight in general [Edited].

If you have enough control over yourself you can stop from eating.
It sounds bad but I wanted to be thinner so bad that I tried not to eat and always did.
Eventually it got to the point though were eating food or thinking about eating food made me feel sick to my stomach now i only eat one meal a day and its uaually not alot now i weigh [Edited] in only a couple of few weeks.

Im kind of regreting it now though.
I never actully thought that i would have anorexia and I do.
Im constantkly not wanting to eat.. I wish I could take it back now but its not easy.

Last edited by eunoia; July 20th 2010 at 12:36 AM. Reason: Do not post weight figures anywhere on TeenHelp.
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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 22nd 2010, 04:09 AM

I know what that's like :/ Sometimes in my darkest hours I wish I had an eating disorder just so I can add to the list of effed up things about me.

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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 29th 2010, 05:08 PM

I've always wished I could be that person who could say "I am happy with who I am." But, I'm not... I'm working on it. Yes, sometimes the thought crosses my mind, but, I know that I would rather not sacrafice my health. There are many people who love me, I think...

Just think... chubby girls want to be skinny, skinny girls want to be chubbier, flat girls want boobs and chesty girls would prefer to be flat. Blondes dye their hair black, and brunettes go blonde... people with brown eyes wear blue coloured contacts and people with blue eyes wear brown.

We always want to be something we are not, in both cases. Just try to accept the fact that somebody out there, regardless of whether you believe it or not, would kill to be you!

PM me anytime...

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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 29th 2010, 05:16 PM

I used to think like that. I used to think that people with eating disorders had alot of control - and it'd be so much easier if I could just stop eating and loose weight.

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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 30th 2010, 11:41 PM

I know, in my head, that an ED is a terrible, painful thing and that nobody should ever want it. But the unreasonable, horrible part of my brain (the part that hates me more than anybody else ever could), tells me that it's a good idea, over and over, until I want to punch my insides out. Since I suffer from depression it's easy to wish for horrible things like an ED. So I understand where OP's coming from.

That said, I actually have done abnormal amounds of research on both ana and bulimia. I know all the side effects, I know the psycological and physical trauma, I even know what personality types are more vunerable to the disease. That's why the reasonable part of my head knows it's not a good thing. It's just that sometimes I'm a bit unstable and the unreasonable part of my head is the dominant part. But I don't think I'll ever develop an ED... the only ED I would ever be likely to develop is bulimia through overexercise instead of purging.

(and as I typed all this up, I was thinking "how horrible"... until a small part of my brain whispered "if only...")
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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - July 31st 2010, 03:01 AM

You don't want an eating disorder. An eating disorder will most likely lead to anorexia, which is a disease and a sickness, and you don't want to be sick or look sick for that matter.
Forget what the BMI says, I'm sure you're not obese. Be happy with the way you look and the way your body is, don't try and change it. Eating disorders are left making you wish you were normal, wish you could eat and just forget about how many calories a day you endure, how many calories you eat within a day, how many calories this and that has, how many calories...oh god it's all about the pounds and the calories and you look at yourself and even if you're hella skinny you still think you're fat, because it messes with your mind so you can look at yourself in the mirror and think you're fat, and it's never good enough until you lose so much weight and do so much damage to your body, your body has nothing left to eat of you and you die of heart attack/heart failure.
Do you really wish you had to put up with all of that? I don't think you want to go through all of that, trust me. So be happy with your body and the way it is, otherwise you'll end up being like this: http://loscuatroojos.com/wp-content/...rexic-view.jpg
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Re: Do you ever secretly want to...? - August 3rd 2010, 04:36 AM

Having an eating disorder is having a disease that will slowly eat away at your mind, body and soul. It sounds appealing to be able to lose a couple of pounds quickly, but soon you realize that that couple of pounds is not enough, and neither is the next. you get trapped in your own mind. Its not something you want. When you hate yourself you begin to hate everything around you until youve pushed your entire life away forever.

please dont do it. once you start you cant stop.

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