Fighting to NOT get one

[iMuse]

Every day I look in the mirror and want to cry because I hate what I see. Whenever I see a model or skinny girl, my stomach clenches because I want to be like them. I want to be really, really thin, I want to be the girl that everyone is jealous of. I WANT TO BE THIN!

I know I shouldn't starve myself, and all my reasoning, and telling myself not to, I just can't bare it. I have to fight with myself, I miss meals, I try not to, but I do. I don't want to have an eating disorder, but I'm starting to get one. I don't want to be the girl with an eating disorder, I JUST WANT TO BE THIN! I can't bear this, I used to be SO much thinner, you could see my bones, but now you can't. I wish I was like that again, I wish I was anorexic, as bad as it sounds. I know how hard people fight to get out of it, so I try really hard not to get into it, but I still find myself looking at food and thinking "DON'T YOU DARE EAT THAT! YOU ARE SO FAT! STARVE YOURSELF, BITCH!" I fight so hard, but I just want to be thin again!

I feel so bad about myself, it's horrible.

[Casey.]

If you want to lose weight, do it the right way. Go see your doctor and see if you actually need to lose weight. If you do, eat right and exercise. Starving yourself is not the answer, and being that thin is not healthy.

You don't want anorexia, trust me on that one. Maybe you think you do, but you don't. To always feel hungry, sick, tired, and to have to hide everything about yourself from people. To withdraw from friends and family, to think about calories and weight every minute of the day, to freak out if you gain an ounce. To lose your period, your hair, your nails, to have yellow skin...you don't want that. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, this diesease. It's dangerous and it's deadly. I am sorry if I sound blunt, but I've been down this road, and it's not a place you want to be.

If you need anything, feel free to PM me.

[xsecretsx]

I was around your age when my ED first hit me. And 8 years later i'm still struggling to get out of the cycle. You need to see a doctor now. Find out if your weight really is an issue. If it is, then you can loose it healthily.
If you need to talk, pm me. I'm always here. Theres so little that I can say to you. But being thin isnt everything. You lose so much, your friends, your family, your hopes and your dreams.
Try to talk to someone. Maybe a school councillor?
Just try to focus on your rational side, that you know you dont want to get an ED. Focus on that. Your strong, you can do it.

[darkxdreamer13]

I'm the same way, I wish I could stop thinking of doing it, but I'm at the point where there's no other option.