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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Oh no, I can't take this! Help! - August 1st 2010, 05:17 AM

Okay so I've been doing really well with eating and stuff, i've not had bad thoughts around food and weight etc. But recently after a small argument with my friend, Emily, over a trust issue, i've noticed shes pretty much changed completely, shes quiet and all....and she doesnt eat much anymore. We got over the whole trust thing, and even though I can never forget what she did to me and we will never be close again, i still talk to her etc. My other friend just had a sleepover party, and Emily only came to the day part of it because she had a swimming competiton, and I noticed there she was quiet, so i decided to confront her. I asked her if she was eating enough and if she was okay. She pretty much came out with everything, and she is going right down the path of an eating disorder. And it's all my fault. I became so upset at myself, I didnt eat anything that night at the party...oh I did have some carrots. My friends older sister noticed that I wasn't having the pizza and chips and does know I have anorexia so asked me if I wanted a yoghurt, but I declined. I tried to have cake, even though my friends sister gave me a very small bit to try and help, but I couldnt and I looked like a nervous wreck I couldnt stop shaking. This is what I used to get all the time around food, but havent had that anxious feeling in ages. The next morning I felt a bit better and had pancakes, and also some chocolate and lollies, so I though "phew yesterday was just a bad-day and I will get over it" I was wrong. I came home, I managed to eat lunch and stuff, but I could not stop crying. I have caused my friend to get an eating disorder it is totally all my fault and I dont know what to do. She was aiming for the commonwealth games and the olympics for swimming and ive f***ed her up. I can't deal with her as well as me, and now that she is anxious about eating I cant eat either because of worry. I dont want to go back down that horrible path again. I made banana loaf with mum later and i managed to enjoy it, but every so often I just get that horrible feeling and now I dont want to eat tea. I can't tell her that she is making it worse because thats just wrong, but I dont want to stop eating again as I caused my friends a lot of pain. I plan to force myself to eat, and I will eat, because I need to and I understand that, BUT that voice in my head oh my god its back and its horrible. I dont know how I am going to cope.
   
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Re: Oh no, I can't take this! Help! - August 1st 2010, 06:13 PM

Hi Emma I'm sorry you're going thru this.

Please remember it is not your fault what your friend has ( or may) gone back down the E.D. path because of the disagreement. You were right in confronting her about the trust issue. Maybe the discussion did trigger her, but she must learn to deal with issues without resorting to the E.D. You did not f**k her up !!!

Please don't let her actions trigger you. I am proud of you for fighting the trigger and continuing to eat. She is responsible for her own actions.

Please continue to fight that stupid ED monster. You have tons of support, girl !!!!! As always, you can pm me anytime !!!
   
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Re: Oh no, I can't take this! Help! - August 2nd 2010, 05:11 AM

She isnt going BACK down the path as such, she has never had ANY problems to do with eating or depression or anything ever before. She's always loved food and shes so good at her swimming. For lunch she had half a pikelet I nearly cried, and found myself eating nothing for lunch either, well I did have a kind of liquid meal replacement, but I couldnt eat. I need to get over that, but its so hard. She's changed so much and I cant stand it.
Not to sound selfish but its really hard when a friend gets an ED while im trying to recover it is extremely triggering!!!! :P
   
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Re: Oh no, I can't take this! Help! - August 3rd 2010, 03:23 AM

Hey there,

I promise you did not cause her to develope an ED. ED's are tricky and just because your friend appreciated food in the past doesn't mean she didn't struggle with that little voice inside her head telling her things. And the thing you have to consider is something else could have triggered this, not you, she might have been struggling a lot and then had some type of traumatic event occur that sent her into a tailspin. No one person causes another person to develope an ED. I promise.

I've known people who had an ED and they were not the reason that I developed one. I would see what they were doing and think 'I don't want to get there' but I still ended up there. We all make our own choices and your friend did the same.

Instead of beating yourself up over this why not continue working on recovery so that your friend can see how strong you are and might learn some things from you. If you continue fighting this and your friend sees that she might feel stronger about fighting it herself. You could be her role model.

Take care of yourself because no amount of self hatred is going to make your friend better.

Also, since that voice is getting stronger maybe you need to reach out to your family and friends and ask them for a little more support. I am sure they will be more than willing to give it to you. Remember that there are going to be ups and downs in recovery and when you are in a down you need to take the leap and ask for a little more support and open up about the down that you are in.

I believe that you can beat this you just have to believe it too and reach out.

Please hang in there.

Jenna


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Re: Oh no, I can't take this! Help! - August 3rd 2010, 04:31 AM

with your friend i dont know what to say, but for your experience, take a breath. you might just be having a bad day or two- i get them all the time. try to forget about it, and eat. because once you remember how you used to feel when you used to not eat you could get trapped again. fight like hell while you can.

feel better xox



   
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Re: Oh no, I can't take this! Help! - August 3rd 2010, 08:48 PM

It is NOT your fault that she may be developing an eating disorder. By saying this, I am not saying it is anybody's fault other than yours either.

I can say that you did the right thing in asking her about it, as the problem can be very dangerous. What I would suggest though is maybe to tell a trusted adult about your worry as this way she can get the help she needs early on.

Most importantly try your best not to let it trigger you. I KNOW it is hard, but letting it trigger you is not helping either of you whether it is making it harder on both of you.
   
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Re: Oh no, I can't take this! Help! - August 4th 2010, 07:26 AM

I really really think it is my fault. I nearly broke down today in class, I got no sleep last night and nearly vomiting with worry and anger at myself, I couldn't take it any more, so two of my friends know that she is not eating and that I feel horrible. It felt good to get it off my chest, but I can't hide it any more.
But I cannot eat, im not getting those thoughts that im horribly fat or that food is bad, its just the fact that I dont want it, i can't think of anything else but my friend, and I just cannot eat much. I have started weighing myself more though and I have been looking at calories again, but I will eat if I am really hungry. I dont know who to tell. I dont want to tell anyone because I am ashamed at myself, and I can just picture people seeing her as "copying me" because my group of friends dont understand anything. I dont know what to do anymore and this is really screwing me up.
   
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