I think I might have an eating disorder...
 

Hello everyone. My name is Anne and I am new here. I just want to tell you my story because I think I might have an eating disorder. What do you honestly think?

Two years ago, I was in 8th grade. I was a cheerleader and involved in my school musicals for 4 years. Everyone in my class always thought I was perfect. I had perfect grades, was well-behaved, was a good singer, and everyone loved me. But while they saw perfection, I saw that I was so imperfect. At my lunch table, my friends began to take my food from lunch. For example, if I brought 5 items for lunch, I would only have 1 left for me. But i began to like that feeling of emptiness. So everyday I would pack a lunch that I knew I would give away to other people and only have 1/5 of it for myself. And no one seemed to notice what I was doing. From March-June I contiuned to do this and lost[Edited by Crux: Please do not post weight numbers or calories] . While on vacation that summer, i can clearly remember my mom telling me that I looked like I was gaining weight. And for her to say that, that meant that I wasn't perfect like I wanted to be. So I started to restrict more for the rest of the summer. As high school started I went to an all girls school. I made friends and gradually started to gain the weight back. After my next physcial I began to restrict again. I would only eat [Edited] cals. max at lunch. Most days I would only have [Edited] cals. by eating 1/2 a baby carrot. I also began to excessivly exercise, burning around [Edoited] calories every day before school. I restricted my calorie intake to only [Edited] calories a day. [Edited] Max. I lost [edited]bs. I got very weak. I couldn't focus in class, was always sore, and was mentally losing myself. I lost interst in all my hobbies and stopped talking to everyone. I am isolated. But i still restricted. But my body had stopped losing weight. I gained [Edited]lbs and since then I have gained [Edited] pound. I look at myself in the mirror and hate myself, weigh myself constantly, and always count calories. But i need to reach that perfection everyone tells me that I should be. Because I just need to be perfect.

Re: I think I might have an eating disorder...
 

Anne,

Since we are not professionals we cannot tell you if you have an Eating Disorder or not. However from what I read it does sound like you should seek some help.

Obsessing over what you eat, how much you eat, how much you weight etc is not right. A persons weight should not define them like your weight seems to be.

You said that you have kind of isolated from people and that is a big sign that an ED has developed or your disordered eating could be taking on a life of its own. I would suggest that you quit isolating and seek help for this immediately.

From my own experience no matter how much you lose you will never be perfect enough because your mind will keep telling you that. If you reach out for help you can work on the issues behind your need for perfection. Also, if you seek help you can get in with a doctor who can help you, if there is a need, to eat healthy and reach a healthy weight.

Keeping your struggle a secret will only feed into this issue and make it worse. Instead of letting it get worse seek out help so that you can get your life back on track. It will probably be a long hard road but in the end I am sure you will be thankful for having the courage to reach out.

If you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna :)

Re: I think I might have an eating disorder...
 

Hey Anne,

So I have a feeling this is more about perfection and control, than it is about weight. Most eating disorders stem from the need for control, and the majority of them are not about weight, although it plays a big factor still.

Have you tried talking to a counselor about this, or even a teacher you trust? Talking about it, and finding out the cause of it, can help you get better. Although it's not an easy journey, it is possible, if you want it.

Someone once told me that perfect is an illusion that the mind creates to tell us that we are not good enough, even though we are more than good enough. You are a human being Anne. We all have flaws and faults, but that's what makes us who we are. Imagine how boring the world would be if everyone was perfect, and essentially the same! You can be who you are without being afraid that you are not good enough, because you are good enough. You're more than enough.

If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to PM me.Hang in there.

Re: I think I might have an eating disorder...
 

Hello there,

I think maybe the best option is to seek some help. Maybe start by talking to your GP- they can be the first to help. IF you do have an ED, then they should be able to help..and get you the help you need.

Take Care. :)