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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Faye. Offline
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Wanting to get better. - August 10th 2010, 10:34 PM

Hey, I didn't really now where to put this because it's kind of about depression and self harm as well, but move it if it's in the wrong place.

Okay so I was talking to someone tonight and I was talking about all these plans I make when I'm feeling really bad. These plans about accepting myself and moving on etc etc and I'm so sincere when I make them but then they lose their steam and they seem stupid.

And I was thinking about why all these plans I make, that are good plans and plans I make with all sincerity always fail. And then I realised, I don't think I really want to get better.

I mean when I think about my eating issues, I see the bad points, I see how they could be unhealthy but at the same time there's a ton of things that I like about it. I like the control I have and I like the fact that it just makes me forget the other crap in life and focus solely on this. But I don't want to be restricting and binging and purging for the rest of my life. Neither do I want to continue to self harm for ever more but neither do I feel like I can let these things go.

I just can't see the good in getting better out-weighing the good in keeping my eating issues and self harm.

So yeah, how do I take that step? From wanting to get better in theory and wanting to get better in practice. Does anyone have any suggestions about how to visualise myself in that future?

I think this is the issue I've been skirting around for a long time. I want to get better but I'm never willing to give up my behaviours.

Maybe I just need to have more faith that things will be alright without having an eating disorder and self harm to fall back on?

Sorry if this was a bit long!


Feel free to PM me

We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think its forever
-Carl Sagan





Last edited by Jen; August 14th 2010 at 12:53 AM. Reason: Removing trigger warning to fit with prefix guidelines.
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Re: Wanting to get better. - August 13th 2010, 05:51 AM

I think that in thinking about getting better youve already taken the first huge leap. Recovery wont happen right away, no matter how much you want it to. And EDs are almost impossible to recover from without professional help. For a long time i thought i had recovered by myself but a relapse was inevitable for me. But when i was trying to get better I took small steps. Weigh yourself less often. Instead of punishing yourself when you mess up, reward yourself when something good happens, like getting through a "normal" meal without the feelings of guilt. Make sure you know that the weight youre at now probably isnt maintainable. Give up one behavior at a time.

When you visualize yourself in the future picture yourself happy. Being happy makes you beautiful.



   
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