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ponygirl733 Offline
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What should I do? - August 11th 2010, 04:30 PM

I've been recovered and mostly doing well for a while, but I can't get over my weight. I feel huge. Anyway, about 2 weeks ago I got my period back which freaked me out because I don't even weigh as much as when I lost it (haven't had it for years). I started restricting again and I haven't eaten anything in three days. I don't know whether this is relapse or not, but I'm tired of being fat, and I never want to be as big as I used to be before my ED started. Also recently people have been telling me I look "good" and "better" and some part of hates that, because it means I'm not skinny enough. I don't want to tell my therapist because people will start freaking out and I probably making a big thing out of nothing anyway. But I also don't want to have a full relapse and have to go to a hospital/treatment center again because I've done that enough times. What should I do?
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Name: Faye
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Re: What should I do? - August 11th 2010, 07:02 PM

Hi there

Getting your period back is a big step in recovery and it's a sign that your body's getting better and healthier. However it can be a triggering experience for some. It's not surprising that it threw you but you need to try and think about it in a more positive way. Instead of thinking of this a sign that your getting 'fatter' think about it as your body becoming more healthy in order for you to enjoy a longer and happier life.

It's clear your still struggling with the idea of not being skinny enough which isn't surprising as it is the huge part of the psyche of an ED. This is something I think you need to talk to your therapist about and I think you need to tell her about falling back into old habits again as well. I don't think they will start freaking out as long as you try to get back to eating healthily again. Slipping is part of the recovery process and you just need to stop, re-asses and think about why you slipped before continuing. A slip doesn't have to turn in to a full relapse as long as you deal with it correctly and talk about it.

I wish you the best of luck.

Faye x

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Re: What should I do? - August 16th 2010, 04:04 AM

Thanks. I realize it means I'm getting healthier, it's just hard to accept. I'm [Edited by Jen] and I hate it. I think things are going better. I talked to my therapist, who said this reaction is very common. I am eating more now, though probably not enough. The problem is, I really do look big now, and I want to lose a few pounds, but I'm afraid I wouldn't stop. Half the time I'm making a plan to lose weight, the other half the time I'm telling myself I need to maintain. I just wish I knew how to look at myself and be able to tell if I need to lose weight, but I can't

Last edited by Jen; August 16th 2010 at 11:20 AM. Reason: Please do not post weight numbers; it's against the Terms of Service.
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