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Unhappy Tonight's really bad... - August 13th 2010, 05:44 AM

So, I keep feeling hungry, but then I convince myself I'm not hungry, becuase I'm too fat to be hungry, and then I don't want to eat. Then, all night, whenever I've been walking across my room, I have to look down so I don't look in the mirror. I've had 2 small panic attacks tonight, and when I look down at my legs, I punch myself because I hate how my thighs look. Then, I came downstairs, and I decided to binge a little by drinking a soda... bad choice. Now I just want to purge. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm in such a terrible position. I'm just having a terrible night. It's probably becaue I'm wearing shorts, but I just wish I could accept myself for how I look and wear them without this much fear. It's not fair. I really want to purge and cut, but I can't... I won't let myself. Which I guess is good, but I just, I hate feeling like this. I hate night time.


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Last edited by Jen; August 14th 2010 at 12:53 AM. Reason: Removing trigger warning to fit with prefix guidelines.
   
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Re: Tonight's really bad... - August 14th 2010, 12:55 AM

Megan,

Everyone gets hungry. Everyone's bodies need to eat. Without food, a person dies. It's truly as simple as that. You need to eat; food is fuel. So, if you're hungry, that's okay! Feed your body, it needs food. No matter what a person weighs, they need to eat. And the more you deny yourself of food, the more you set yourself up for a binge. So, it's in your control to stop the cycle now.

It sounds like nights are particularly hard. What can you do to make them easier; can you spend time with a friend, make a plan (like to watch a movie, work on a project, etc.), or do something else organized?

Also, think of things you can do for yourself when you're feeling so yucky. When you feel icky about how you look and feel, it means you deserve compassion, not punishment. So if you're feeling particularly gross, what can you do that's nurturing; curl up in a blanket, paint your toenails, take a bubble bath, etc?

You deserve to take care of yourself, Megan.




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Re: Tonight's really bad... - August 15th 2010, 04:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jen View Post
Megan,

Everyone gets hungry. Everyone's bodies need to eat. Without food, a person dies. It's truly as simple as that. You need to eat; food is fuel. So, if you're hungry, that's okay! Feed your body, it needs food. No matter what a person weighs, they need to eat. And the more you deny yourself of food, the more you set yourself up for a binge. So, it's in your control to stop the cycle now.

It sounds like nights are particularly hard. What can you do to make them easier; can you spend time with a friend, make a plan (like to watch a movie, work on a project, etc.), or do something else organized?

Also, think of things you can do for yourself when you're feeling so yucky. When you feel icky about how you look and feel, it means you deserve compassion, not punishment. So if you're feeling particularly gross, what can you do that's nurturing; curl up in a blanket, paint your toenails, take a bubble bath, etc?

You deserve to take care of yourself, Megan.
She really took the words out of my mouth. And I don't know exactly how you feel, but I have an idea. It sucks to think you're fat, I know that as well as the next person with an ED, but you can change how you feel about yourself. I know I sound like someone out of a cheesey infomercial, but instead of ducking away from a mirror, look into it at a part of yourself that you like. Focus on that part and tell yourself you're beautiful, even though you don't believe it. Then, as you get more comfortable, start focusing on the area around that part of you, and keep expanding it as you feel comfortable. Because, even though you don't believe it, you ARE beautiful. And don't worry about your thighs, every girl has bigger thighs. It's to support our hips so we can carry babies. And if you ever need to talk, my PM box is always open
Take care,
~Summer


“I can only hope that they’ll turn that anger and frustration and madness into something positive, so that two, three, four, five hundred will step forward, so the gay doctors will come out, the gay lawyers, the gay judges, gay bankers, gay architects … I hope that every professional gay will say ‘enough’, come forward and tell everybody, wear a sign, let the world know. Maybe that will help.” Harvey Milk, 1978

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Re: Tonight's really bad... - August 28th 2010, 09:52 PM

dear fellow woman,
being a woman sucks huh. we hate our hair, our boobs, our thighs, etc. While we are standing looking in the mirror all day pinching, punching, and crying about everything we hate, we forget that life is passing us by. We forget what it feels like to let go about things we can't control and enjoy the beauty of each day given to us like when we were a child. It is common to feel all the emotions you have. You are not alone. You are doing the right thing not to ruin you day and life by cutting and purging. It will only make it worse, and you will hate yourself more. The best advice i can give is to find who you are inside and the outside will follow. I find the less stress i have about myself (body, hair, etc.) the more I realizes nice features about myself (sense of humor, nice teeth, etc.) My friend, love your life for every inch of your body that you have. We are all so luck to have 2 legs and arms. Instead of trying to cut them off [Edited by Jen] enjoy a walk with your dog or friends. It really makes a difference.

Last edited by Jen; August 29th 2010 at 03:44 AM. Reason: Please do not post weight/calorie numbers; it's against the Terms of Service.
   
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