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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Stuckinhell Offline
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Collapsing - August 13th 2010, 02:30 PM

I dont even know what to write here. I guess it's my last chance to call for help. I'm failing. Too weak to do this alone.

I cant bear the way I look. My depressions come back, i'm hardly leaving the house. Cant bear to see friends or family.

I've hardly touched food for the last 3 weeks. Whenever i'm forced to eat, i've started hiding food, purging. I've started the binge/purge cycle again. And i'm scared.

I'm starting uni soon. I want to be well. I want to do well. But i dont know if i've got the strengh anymore. Nothing else matters to me anymore. Just loose weight. If i burn of a stone then people will like me more. If i drop a dress size i'll make more friends.

I know it's ridiculous. I've been through it all before. But i'm losing all rationality. It's taken all i've got to write this. I'm petrified of what will happen when i live on my own. When no one will watch me. Make me eat. i'll be free to purge and starve as much as i want. I'll loose the weight i desire. But i KNOW i cant. I KNOW i've got to stop, to eat to study and everything will be fine.

But i'm to weak to do it. I'm literally collapsing under the pressure. And i'm scared stiff and what i'm doing to myself all over again

Last edited by Jen; August 14th 2010 at 01:52 AM. Reason: Removing trigger warning to fit with prefix guidelines.
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Casey. Offline
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Re: Collapsing - August 14th 2010, 04:09 AM

Starting university is hard when you are stable. It's even harder when you are struggling with or battling something. It's a new routine to settle into, a new lifestyle, new things to learn and try. The best thing you can do, to make it easier on yourself, is talk to your uni counselor, or psychologist. Talk to someone on campus, and let them know that you have an eating disorder and that you are trying to recovery from it, but are struggling. Ask for support from your school, and you should be able to get it, especially if your school has mental health services. Check with your school and see what resources they offer, and use them.

Just hang in there, you can do this. I've been here before, and I know how scary it can be to start uni with an E.D, but it doesn't have to be scary.You can beat this. Don't hesitate to PM me if you need anything, or want to talk.

She whispered to her own reflection "I will be strong."

"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.

Smile through the tears.

PM me

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Re: Collapsing - August 14th 2010, 09:16 AM

I've had to pass a health clearance to get on my course. With my e.d reoccuring, i'm scared that if anyone at uni finds out i'll be removed from my course.

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Re: Collapsing - August 16th 2010, 03:45 AM

I would make sure that the school psychologist isn't obligated to report anything to your program. If they aren't, they can be the perfect people to help you stay strong and get better during this transition. I know what it's like to want to be well but not feel strong enough to achieve it. But you can! Even by writing this it's a sign that you are strong. Keep fighting, and feel free to pm me anytime
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