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-   -   Don't want to stop binging and purging (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f15-eating-disorders/t57452-dont-want-stop-binging-purging/)

Avicularia October 17th 2010 09:32 PM

Don't want to stop binging and purging
I've been making myself sick for over a year now i think, i've never really got thin, but i know i'm not fat. I want to be thin, i don't like my weight, even though i accept i'm not fat, i want to be thinner. Its weird, because people say if you have bulimia or anorexia is because you think you're fat. But hey.
There's a girl at school who is bulimic, and its quite well known, she's really thin now. I think i'm probably the only person who see's her and wants to be that weight, and its made me think about it lots.
I sometimes binge and then purge, if there's noone at home, or i often just bring up an evening meal when family is around. But when there's noone at home i'll sometimes purge a few times a day. Holiday is coming up, and i'll be home alone a fair bit. I know i shouldn't but i look forward to being able to eat what i want, and bring it all back up without worrying about people being around. I don't want to stop being sick, i like the feeling of being empty, mentally and physically, and i start to feel physically sick now when i'm full. Mmm, i don't know. Is there anyone else that just doesn't want to stop being sick? I know i *should* stop, but i can't because i don't want to.
Just wondering if anyone else has this problem?

emma01 October 17th 2010 10:58 PM

Re: Don't want to stop binging and purging
I dont have bulimia, I am in recovery for anorexia, but still very much anorexic. I am eating again, and I have been for a wee while now, I am actually eating a pretty decent amount, but for a normal person it would be more like quite a strict diet. Now really I know I need to eat a lot, to actually gain weight, but to be honest, at the moment I feel so good, I eat what I want (in moderation) and I just dont eat too much junk food, and its not like I care what I eat...but I am aware. I haven't gained weight but I am so happy, I feel energetic, I can eat out with friends, I dont think anxiously about food all the time any more and just in general my life has improved DRASTICALLY!
The thing is, is I want to keep it this way. I see myself as slim, now ive been told I look sick, but I think I look alright. I dont want to gain weight and all that, But it is dangerous, and I have to gain weight. As much as I want to stay so thin, I have to stop this. And you also have to as well. You can be slim, with exercise and healthy eating. But bulimia is just not safe, and its effective at all. You may not want to stop - just like I dont want to gain weight, but in the end you will be so thankful for it!

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