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ares69 Offline
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I feel like I might do it... - February 21st 2009, 01:07 AM

I've been thinking of throwing up for a while now. I'm aware of the consequences and I know I'm going to regret it if I do, but somehow, I still think that it'll make everything seem better. It just feels like something I have to do. And the feeling has gotten worse and I'm just afraid that I might lose it and actually do it.
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eunoia Offline
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Re: I feel like I might do it... - February 21st 2009, 02:22 AM

Hey there,

Right now it might seem like a good idea, even if you know it's not. That's your mind's way of rationalizing the desire you're having to purge. You already know that afterwards it won't have made things magically better, though. So think about it this way: You'll feel like you've completed this "task" that you set for yourself, but you'll feel guilty for having done it which will make you feel bad about yourself. What may come next is your mind (irrationally) telling you that next time will make it better. It's such a vicious cycle.

Imagine this scenario, though. You find the strength within you to fight off these urges. You don't complete the "task," but you know deep down you've done the right thing. You can also tell yourself that you have the REAL power. Imagine how powerful it will feel, how good you will feel about yourself, knowing you beat this.

You deserve to live free of these urges. You don't HAVE to do this. Reach out for support, like you've done here. Maybe set a goal for yourself that you will find someone in person to talk to, before you let this happen. And then set another goal that you will try your best to talk to them, openly and honestly, before you try it. Make attainable, reasonable goals for yourself and then reach them. I know you can do it.

Let me know if you need to talk at all.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
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Re: I feel like I might do it... - February 21st 2009, 10:09 PM

Hey there, welcome to the site, I'm kinda new too!
Things sound really tough for you at the moment, is there anything that's made you feel like this? A lot of the time if you feel really down it gets you feeling like this, which really isn't good because it's not a nice feeling to even want to do something like this, let alone do it. Perhaps try and avoid whatever it is that's making you feel so low that you feel like making yourself throw up?

What Jessie said is right, what you're feeling now isn't a rational way of thinking, at the time it might seem like something good but in the long run it's really not and there is an endless list of consequenses of what you're considering doing, so please think through this a little more and you'll discover that you really don't need to put yourself through this. It's much harder to give something up once you've tried it, you'll think that you can stop and that you're in control of what you're doing but you're really not, so please; rethink.

If there's something making you want to do this, is it something you feel you could talk through with someone? Talking is one of the best ways of making you feel better and getting all these things out of your system might do more than you think it might. I'm here if you ever need any support, and take care.
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Re: I feel like I might do it... - February 22nd 2009, 07:55 AM

Honestly, it is so not worth it. I've been anorexic/bulimic for six years and purging is a difficult cycle to stop. I know you've read the consequences, but this is the reality: I have missed 47 days of school this year because of the side effects of anorexia/bulimia. I live day to day with dizzy spells, migraines, and over all sickness. I have been fighting dehydration since October and my veins are so dry that IVs won't work. Last time I was in the hospital, they tried nine times to get blood from me and each time my veins would swell. I can't even drive anymore because I often feel faint and I'm a hazard to other drivers. My throat is constantly sore and I actually wake up in the middle of the night in tears because the pain can be so unbearable. My voice is cracked and hoarse all the time, so I always sound like I have a cold...I'm not telling you all this to lecture you, but because I care enough that I don't want you to go through the same thing. I know purging seems like it will fix everything or help you cope in some way, but it will only lead to more problems.

I hope you're ok

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