Triggering: Can't take it anymore

[DivingCheska]

First off the reason this just says triggering is because I need to lable it more than once. So its Triggering:ED,Self-Harm,Suicide

I haven't been here in awhile and last time I was I posted and then I got my eating under control and it was fine until september it's just been getting even worse since then. As of right now i've only eaten a reeces cup. My life is out of control and I have no clue how to handle anything my cutting thoughts are getting louder and louder. Telling me to just take the blade and run it across my skin. I feel like it would be better if I just gave up all together. My teacher caught on to me having problems and kept on trying to get it out of me so I finally told her about my controlling my weight. She said she was worried because she could only imagen what I am doing since she used to be bulimic. I hate this so much why is it that the scale and mirror both lie to me. Plus when I see my counclor next I have to talk to her about switching because im now over 18 and I really hate that. It took me forever to open up to her and the new person is gonna want me to tell them my life story but I hate doing that. I know I should probably tell her I need a counclor who works with suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and Eating-Disorders but I just don't know. My school work is suffering my teacher who knows is working with me and letting me turn things in late but still it just fucking sucks. I just want to die it would be so much easier.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I am sorry it has taken so long for you to get a reply to this. I was randomly browsing this forum and saw your thread. I hope I can help you out here.

I think it is really great that you have a teacher who is willing to help you out. It is so helpful to have a support network when battling ED. The truth is ED is going to want you to believe that you are completely and totally alone but the more support you gather the more likely you are to believe that you are not alone. Now, is there anyone else in life you can talk to about all of this? Friends? Family? It might be a hard step to take but the more support you can build the better. Also, keeping ED a secret isn't a good thing because ED feeds off of secrets so the more you let people in on what is going on the weaker EDs pull on you will be.

As for your counselor, it really sucks that you have to find a new one but I promise it doesn't have to be a bad thing. I am sure your counselor will give you names to counselor who she feels you will like. I don't know how long you have been seeing your current counselor but I am sure the two of you have built up a relationship and due to that I am sure she will help you find a counselor that will work best for you. It will definitely be hard to go into a new counselor but with time and honesty you can develope a relationship with them as well. I would definitely suggest that you open up to your current counselor about your struggles with eating, suicide and self harm so that you can find a counselor who will better suit your needs. It might also be a good step towards breaking the silence of your eating issues.

I know everything seems really intense now but take things one step at a time. You can and will get to a better place. Don't give up on yourself because there is still hope.

I hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[DivingCheska]

NOPE there is nobody and I honestly don't want anyone else to know there are a lot of people that are already worried about me right now so I am not going to add to that while I'm trying to convince them I am fine.

And No I won't be able to talk to the new counclor ive been in and out since I was 5 and had her since i was 15 and am 19 now. I didn't talk to her for about a month and its just ugh.

I just need this to go away again for awhile like it usually does but ive had this problem since september before my birthday.:[

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Frankie,

The best thing to do is open up about what you are going through. ED feeds off of the secrets we keep. If we keep people in the dark about what we are dealing with ED grows stronger. Instead of letting ED grow stronger try fighting back. Don't let him win. Open up.

People may be worried about you but I think they would much rather know what you are dealing with then be kept in the dark. You deserve to have support and love through this struggle. Don't deny yourself that.

Jenna