binge eating and depression

[ac2]

well emm here's my story.. I feel I've lost control & juss want to share all da details..I hav always been like not da skinny child.. I was da fat onee in my family.. in middle skoo is wen I started upsessing over beingg skinny, in 8th grade really.. andd I became very depressed and self injured myself.. I lost[Edited by Casey.]. I went on a diet.

I was down to almost [Edited] and was happy and very emotional dat I was actually almost skinny .. my goal weight was atleast [Edited]. but den started eating. I gained sum slowly & hated it. I wudnt eat sum days. my biggest weight I've ever weighed was [edited] and in summer but now dats not my highest.. I went on dat diet in summer like I said and got down to [Edited]..

I wanted to enter highskoo skinny and preety. I started eating so much. da food I missed.. I was soon up to [Edited].. and noww I'm like [Edited].. da most ivee ever weighed!.. I'm obese..I'm 5 5..

15 yrs old.. ppl say I look way skinnier doee. I kindaa do its weird doee.. I started eating wen I was sad.. which was most of da time.. I wud binge eat and recently its becomee soo stronger.. before only like once a week..in 9th grade.

now I'm in 10th. and noww I've binged eaten dis whole week!. I keep saying okk dis is my last day I'm gunna eat so imaa eat a lot of food cuzz I'm never gunna eat again.. & den da next day comes.. and I eat :/.. it keeps repeating.. I feel like I've lost control & I'm gaining more weight..

and am more depressed den ever. suicidal at times. I juss hate it.. I hate dat I can't b happy like every1 else. I guess I juss don't deserve 2 be.. I've come to da point where I'm seriously obssesed wit being skinny and thin. its on my mind all da time..

from da monrin I wake up.. I also hate eating around ppl. hatee it so much. even around my family.. I alwayss go to da kitchen and rather eat by myself once everyones done cuzz I don't want dem seeing me eat.. I knoee deyll think I'm disgusting. samee at skoo..

I don't eat der either.. I feel so fat if I do and get more depressed especially wen I look at da preety skinny girls and which I was dem. my grades hav dropped.. cuzz rlly all I can focus on iss losing weight. and I rlly don't like or want to go to skoo anymoree.. I feel horrible der.. being aroundd all desee skinnier ppl and imaa blimp and ugly.

I'm planning on not eating for a while to losee sum.. atleast ima lose weight. once I'm atleast [Edited] ill b happy. being skinny is all I want 2 finally b happy .. .

[Love.Peace.Happiness]

Hey!
Well first of all Im fat too im 12 yrs. old and like [Edited]? My highest had been [Edited] and my lowest from when I was 11 is around [Edit]...
I went into a class just for kids they tought you how to eat and excerise!
***Sorry if I spell stuff wrong!!!***
At school I suck at P.e. and all I eat for lunch is crackers and water or a bananna and water ( pretty much any ONE thing and water.)
I've hear a boy say **oh even Sabreena (thats me) is bigger than you!!**
that hurt me SO much!!
My mom says I look skinny but I know I don't! I am very depressed and I want to die * but I'll never go through with killing myself* and I started cutting last night but I'm stopping! =)

I am going to try to writ more in my diary and in the class I took they said "keep and eating journal" maybe that will help you?

Be strong !
PS. also im p.e. we had to wear a beth for some game and it wouldn't fit me so I had to wear it higher than everyone elese! EMBARASSING!!!
When we have parties at school I'm embarassed to get anything fattening * im afraid people will look at me!*

Hope this helped! Inbox me whenever you want!

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I think instead of trying not to eat you should focus more on eating healthy meals. I think the reason you are having these binge episodes could be due, in part, to the fact that you are not eating. Your body shuts down and the next time it eats it wants to fill up on food. However, if you focused on eating proper meals you would be less likely to have these binge episodes because you body would be getting the nutrition that it needs.

I would also suggest that you try to focus on the emotions behind your binge episodes. Are you sad, angry, bored? If you can figure out what emotions are behind these episodes you can slowly work on dealing with them.

Do you think you could try reaching out to people about your struggle? You shouldn't have to go through this alone and the more people you have rallied behind you the better. Sometimes it can be hard to reach out but in the end it can be a good step to take. I also think that getting into a counselor would be a good idea. A counselor could help you figure out the reasons behind your eating issues, give you someone to talk to and help you find healthy coping skills to deal with everything.

I really hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to use teenhelps many resources.

Jenna