im not bulimic am i?

[puala__koala]

okay, so when i was like 8, i was sorta chubby. i had this thing where i wanted to escape my present situation, so i would make myself eat tons of food and hten purge it to make myself feel sick. to me, if i was sick then i could stay home and not do anything else, and that meant a way to escape. i stopped when i was about ten or so and by then i was pretty slim.

i also struggled with something that may be considered anorexia from when i was 12-14. it started off trying to lose weight and then i just sort of lost control. i would barely eat everyday for months. then i got a new group of friends who treated me better and i didnt feel the need to do it anymore

lately, ive just been having a lot of personal problems. i want to escape my present reality and, to me, purging still has that connotation. it really doesnt have anythign to do with my body image like everything about bulimia says it does (although cutting down on calories wouldnt be a bad thing for me). i just eat what i consider to be a lot of food (although i really only eat like a plate full of food, not necessarily junk food) and puke it out. is this that bad?

[ChaosControl]

Eating disorders don't always arise from body image alone. If you are making yourself sick after eating, for whatever reason, it's still harmful to your body and your health. Regardless of whether or not it's bulimia, you really need help. Eating and purging doesn't solve your problems. It may be a way of escape but it's only temporary, that's why you risk doing it over and over and getting addicted. If you need to talk some more, feel free to PM me. Stay strong, I'm here for you if you need me.

[puala__koala]

well its not serious. i only do it like once a day, not after every meal. idk. if i start doing it more often or i cant stop then i guess ill try and get help. thanks though

[Nicole!]

Making yourself throw up after eating is never okay. I would take action now, before it gets worse, especially since you have a history of eating disorders. In fact, I assume it will as it is a way for you to release the pain. Using food to help cope with the pain is not a good thing to do. I would seek out a counselor who can work with you to overcome this. If you have any hobbies, I suggest spending more time doing those as they are healthier ways to cope. Best of luck!

[MisplacedDreamer]

well its not serious. i only do it like once a day, not after every meal. idk. if i start doing it more often or i cant stop then i guess ill try and get help. thanks though

Once a day is still serious. Purging sounds like it is a coping mechanism for you and it is unhealthy. It's addictive though like self-harm. It feels like you are solving your problems, at least for the time.

Have you tried stopping it like right now? If you keep on doing it day after day or even week after week, I would consider it as the inability to stop it.

I would either try to figure out ways to help with your personal problems or other methods to get rid of stress than purging. You may not even have to go to a counselor, but if you don't think that you could stop safely or start to replace it with another unhealthy behavior, then I would recommend you talk to a counselor asap.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Eating disorders don't just have to do with body image they are a way of coping. I know that my eating disorder developed as a means to escape as well. Thing is they get out of hand quickly.

Purging once a day can still take a toll on your body. If I were you I would seek help now before it gets worse. The sooner you get help for the issue the better.

I think it would be a good idea for you to try and work on your personal problems head on instead of using purging. I know that is easier said then done but if you can isolate and solve the problems going on in life you can overcome the urge to purge. It might also help if you found other coping mechanisms. I am going to link you to Alternatives to self harm and I suggest that whenever you get an urge to purge you do some of the things on that list. http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/

Do you have anyone you can talk to about your struggles? A friend or family member? You don't necessarily have to tell them about your purging but you could talk to them about the things going on in life that are causing you difficulty. It might help if you can positively vent your emotions.

Have you ever thought of journaling? I would suggest that whenever you get an urge to purge you write down what you are feeling. It could help you figure out why you are having these urges and help you slowly work on overcoming the urge. I do this on occasion. If I have an urge to purge or self harm I will sit down and write in my journal. Why do I want to purge/cut? What emotion am I feeling? What is causing me to feel that emotion? Even though journaling doesn't always make the urge go away completely it could be a good way to slowly work on the issues behind your urges. And, the truth is if you can identify the problem you are more likely to be able to find a solution.

I really hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[Casey.]

Purging, even once a day, is not good, and it's horrible for your body. When I was your age, I used to purge too, once a day almost every day. And it got to the point where I was really sick. I couldn't keep anything down, even if I tried to, and eating made me feel so sick. I didn't get help right away, and I just kept getting sicker, until my friends finally intervened. My point is, this is not something to mess with. If you are binging and purging, or even just purging, now is the time to get help, not later.

I've struggle with eating for about eight years, and it doesn't get easier if you ignore it. The longer you wait, the harder it is to break its hold on you. Plus, the damage you are doing to your body builds over time, and ED's are deadly. So please, please talk to someone. Don't wait until it gets worse, reach out now.

[puala__koala]

Originally Posted by Nicoke

Making yourself throw up after eating is never okay. I would take action now, before it gets worse, especially since you have a history of eating disorders. In fact, I assume it will as it is a way for you to release the pain. Using food to help cope with the pain is not a good thing to do. I would seek out a counselor who can work with you to overcome this. If you have any hobbies, I suggest spending more time doing those as they are healthier ways to cope. Best of luck!

yeah.... idk how i feel about telling people

im upto doing it after every meal but breakfast (i cant purge my breakfast cause its the most important meal of the day!) but yeah.. idk... ill stop when i get down to 120 pounds.. idk.

im kinda worried though cause i had a crazy fit today and i ate all the food in my house then took some liquor shots to puke it out. this is not good

[puala__koala]

Originally Posted by MisplacedDreamer

Once a day is still serious. Purging sounds like it is a coping mechanism for you and it is unhealthy. It's addictive though like self-harm. It feels like you are solving your problems, at least for the time.

Have you tried stopping it like right now? If you keep on doing it day after day or even week after week, I would consider it as the inability to stop it.

I would either try to figure out ways to help with your personal problems or other methods to get rid of stress than purging. You may not even have to go to a counselor, but if you don't think that you could stop safely or start to replace it with another unhealthy behavior, then I would recommend you talk to a counselor asap.

yeah... i noticed its gotten worse... and its definately a coping mechanism... fuck.

yeah, ive tried stoping but idk. its kind of like... ill eat a lot (but not like trying to ill just end up freaking out and eating a lot or just straight up seeing food and eating all of it) and hten my stomach hurts and im scared to get fat from all that food so i purge it out and feel better. so idk... i need to just control what im eating... not sure how to do that though

i can replace it with reading or painting or something... idk. the problem is that nothing really replaces the pain of having to just go through life (i really, really really hate everything. although im just pissed right now, maybe in twenty minutes ill be fine)

[MisplacedDreamer]

The stopping part was more of a way to point out that it doesn't sound like you could stop. I don't think anyone would expect you to be able to stop right away although making an effort to try to replace it with healthy habits is always a good start.

Starving yourself down to a certain weight is never a good idea. Your body may not even be designed to be that weight and it should be more about how fit you are rather than how much you weigh. Do you think you would like to live a life where you weigh your desired weight but you are in constant fear of falling down and breaking your hip due to early onset of osteoporosis because of poor calcium intake?

Controlling what you are eating also is not a means to make yourself happy. I would look at other issues that could be causing it. What is bothering you in your life? What could you change if you could?

I was upset when I was younger due to issues with not having that many friends and my relationship with my mother. When I started working on that and finding ways out of it, I ended up a lot better mentally. I also started setting goals and started working towards them.

Painting and reading can be a good start. Sometimes the smaller things work for people. What about long-term goals?