Triggering (ED): Not wanting help?

[Reflections]

Hey, I was just wondering if it's weird to.. Well.. Enjoy your ed? :\ I know it sounds crazy or stupid, and I have a feeling this post will be taken down, but I'm just wondering.. I don't know why, but I hate having the feeling of something inside my stomach. I hate food in my stomach... I dunno... I hate this, but I love it at the same time... I don't want tog et help because last time I told people, they all ignored me. I even told my doctor EVERYTHING that was happening last time my ed was this bad. Laxatives, exessive walking/biking, purging(without a binge) and sometimes with. REstricting food, etc. And all she said is "well I can't diagnose you unless I see a huge drop in your weight, or if your purging more than 3-5 times aweek". No to long after, I met both those but didn't feel like telling her, because she already turned me down. Now it's come back, and I'm dead set against not telling anyone. It didn't do anything for me in the past, and besides, what can they do? If I don't really want to recover, than it's kind of pointless, isn't it?

There are times I hate this so much and I just wish I could live life without dealing with this ed, I don't even know if I should call it that because I haven't been diagnosed, but I jsut want it to go away. But the majourity of the time I do'nt want help, because all they'd do is make me gain weight, feed me fatty foods, etc. Which is the exact opposite of what I'm trying to do... That's if they even acknowledge I have a problem... Which they probably won't and make up another excuse why they can't diagnose me and even treat me... I just don't know...

I don't even know why I posted this,... Maybe just to see what you guys think... If this is to much, feel free to edit this or even take it down, it's your call, not mine.

[Millarw12]

No I understand what you mean, I love the feeling after I've purged and I feel light again, but it's costing me and I'm losing my control over mia :/ but that's in my thread, so to put it short I completely understand and I experienced it too.

[withherlastbreath]

Being 21, and having been diagnosed bulimic at age 12... I totally understand. I personally hate it. But you get so used to it that it is hard to not sort of like it and enjoy the way you feel after. It is sad to hear this from somebody else, and it really makes me open my eyes to my own diagnosis. Thank you for the post.

[BasicFacts]

Originally Posted by Reflections

There are times I hate this so much and I just wish I could live life without dealing with this ed, I don't even know if I should call it that because I haven't been diagnosed, but I jsut want it to go away. But the majourity of the time I do'nt want help, because all they'd do is make me gain weight, feed me fatty foods, etc. Which is the exact opposite of what I'm trying to do...

No, it's not weird at all. Actually, the above quote describes what I am going through with anorexia at the moment. Like... to the letter.

Perhaps you could try telling someone again? If there are times when you want to get better, then there must be SOME part of you that is sick of this. Who knows? Maybe if you told someone again, they might realize how serious the situation is and try to help you? And maybe if you tried to go along with that, this might go away and you won't have to live with it forever.

Whatever you decide, I do hope things work out for you.