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Millarw12 Offline
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Age: 24

Posts: 95
Join Date: January 10th 2011

Angry Waging war with myself - January 19th 2011, 09:00 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Right so I thought I was getting better, I mean I went camping for four days and I ate what ever I was given, without purging afterwards or doing crazy hard exercise afterwards. I felt horrible about it but I still didn't try to get rid of it. So I get home thinking I may have broken through, and what happens after my first meal? Purge and 4km run at 75% and that has happened after every meal that I haven't prepared myself. I'm so angry! But I'm also happy that I'm not gaining weight, I'm just an emotional mess

And today, I'm on a bus trip to the city (which is about 3 hours) so I go into the supermarket to get some food for the trip. I spent 45 fuckin minutes trying to find food in the whole supermarket and I only ended up getting 2 things! The whole time I was picking up food and checking if it was fitting inside my stupid, strict Less than 10 rule, an d when it didn't I would literally throw it back on the shelf in disgust. I'm worried how out of control this might get if I can't even get snacks for a bus trip from the biggest supermarket in town!

I'm so scared, please help me.

But don't tell me to "seek professional help" because that's not happening. At least not yet.
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