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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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BrokenRaven Offline
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Help - January 21st 2011, 07:31 PM

This is my first posting, so I'm not really sure how to do this.

I've had a majorly screwed up life, but last year I was skipping meals very regularaly, and I guess you could say I was anorexic for a while. I used to stare at myself in the mirror, and then cry. I saw an ugly freak, with carved up skin and scars that nobody can see. No one ever cared, and they knew! My parents brushed it off as some teenage axiety thing.

I'm eating again, made new friends, and dropped my habits the best I can. But now... lately I've been going back to my eating problems. I had to stop myself from shoving my finger dawn my throat after diner. I've been freaking out about exams, and I've been skipping lunch just to study in the library. I'm even hiding from my friends, because I don't want them to know about my secrets. I'm actually wearing baggy sweaters now! I'm also going back to cutting, something I managed to stop a while ago. I have a new cut on my shoulder, and five on my leg. People noticed my shoulder, so now I'm trying to wear cover up, blending it into my skin.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to go plublicly for help. I just... I'm just scared. What if I am a freak? What if I am ugly? What if people find out?
   
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Re: Help - January 21st 2011, 09:07 PM

Well first of all welcome to TH! And also, you did a good job with your first post

Well done for beating your ED last time! That gives me confidence that you can do it again! I know you are trying to hide it, but the more you do that the worse you will get. It may be hard to tell someone, in fact even if you don't want to tell them right out, at least try and hint to people that something is wrong. You know how much energy it takes to be preoccupied with thoughts about food etc. Think of it this way, is it really worth it? You either don't eat, and get really thin and die, or get really thin, get sent to inpatient treatment and gain weight again. You can't win with anorexia and it is such a waste of your life. Your 14, you are so young. You should be out with your friends having fun, and studying hard out at 14 is not mandatory! I am 16 and I stil have tonnes of time for friends! Exams are not worth getting stressed about!! Please try and get help, you don't deserve this!
   
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Re: Help - January 21st 2011, 11:24 PM

Thanks for the welcome

Any ideas how I could hint to people? I'm just scared. I've done a lot this year, I've lost my old friends who were trying to get me to fail school, and made actual friends who care about me. I'm scared. If they knew me entire life, they would hate me. See me for the filth I am.

I don't want to go to a treatment center, those are one of my worse fears. I hate being closed in, held back. I have to stop, but I can't. I'm scared of failing. I really want to get into the Royal Canadian Military College, but you need top grades. That's why I'm freaking out so much about exams. If I don't pass, I will never suceed. And guys keep on saying how fat I am, and I just want to be pretty.

I'm just scared that my life will fall to pieces again.

   
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