Loosing weight :)

[x_sepi_x]

so i got weighed the other day by mental health worker and im loosing weight!! i knew that any way coz thats wat i want but when she asked me whether i was happy about that i kinda lied and said no. i dint want her to know that my eating habits are becoming a real problem for me again. im glad im losing weight. i dnt feel comfortable in my own skin. i feel dirty, used, contaminated. i need to lose weight. its the only thing thats gna make me better. anyway she thinks that im okay and that i'll put the weight bak on but im not gna put an ounce on, im gna lose more and more and more. i dnt deserve to be who i am. everything is gna be much better once ive got this fatness off me.

[emma01]

Once you have lost the weight, then what will happen? You will either die, or be forced into a hospital where you will gain all the weight back.

Not to sound harsh, but do you really think it is worth it? You know it is unhealthy for you, you know how awful an eating disorder can be, don't put yourself through it again. You cannot win with an ED

Please try and stay healthy Im not trying to be nasty, but I am trying to put you off letting yourself fall into that trap!!

If you want to talk you can always PM me

[DivingCheska]

Honestly I think you know how bad it can get and you can die but before that like Emma said you might be put in the hospital and forced to put all the weight back on until you are the weight you need to be. Honestly I think you NEED to tell her that you are purposley trying to lose the weight BEFORE it gets to the point of taking over your life. I am now just getting help after a year of trying to tell my counclor what was going on I finally did now I am being put into ED groups and things. But honestly TELL her the TRUTH so you can STOP it before it gets to the point were you CAN"T TURN BACK

[x_sepi_x]

i can't do that though. i can't. i hate eating. if i tell her that, she's just gna make me eat and i don't want to.

[emma01]

But you have to get help so you can begin to eat again, and so that you can treat food as such a normal thing that you eat when you are hungry! If you refuse to eat for too long, you will most likely be tube fed, which means you basically get liquid mush forced down you, you don't even get to taste it. Wouldn't you rather enjoy food, than have it go down you unconsciously?

[x_sepi_x]

No beacuase i can't enjoy food now anyway. Ive tried myself, ive tried alot to overcome this but i can't do it anymore. I give up. I'd rather not eat at all.

[Ess The Morgenstern *]

I'd like to tell you something that made sense without threat you. If you're here it's because some part of you wants help, but -believe me or not- you're blinded by your ED. I guess you at least see you aren't eating properly, it's hard for an ed sufferer to realize about that. But to be honest, losing weight won't make you feel any better you know why? because behind physical worries and obsession lies a problem you haven't overcome and it has nothing to do with thinness most of the times. Try to discover what's really disturbing you and work to get over it, that's what will make you really happy.
Anorexia doesn't just take off your weight, it takes your energy, and eventually your life, away. And the worst part is that there are people who worry about you, and anorexia can destroy their hearts if it defeats you.
Weight is just the attraction Earth has over you so be honest, is it worth it losing your happiness and life for a sciences fact? Furthermore, losing weight is never a promise because 'Ana' won't let you see so you'll think you haven't, and you can't afford to lie to it, you'll feel it's constantly watching you so if you dare to eat you'll be severely punished, but it's all subjective, nobody is watching you and punishment is something you can choose not to do. Fight for yourself, leave Ana out of your life.
You can always talk to me, you aren't alone. xx

[DivingCheska]

I don't believe you DON'T want help at all because then you wouldn't be here in the first place. I believe you that you are probably just afraid of getting the help you need. So it says your 17 and since your still a minor if your mom or dad figure it out soon they have control over you and can tell your theripist. Wouldn't you much rather do it? YES it's hard I just finally told mine after a year of trying to tell her and now she wants me in all these programs. If you truly CAN'T tell her in person write it down on a piece of paper and give it to her.

[emma01]

Originally Posted by sheissoweird

Anorexia doesn't just take off your weight, it takes your energy, and eventually your life, away. And the worst part is that there are people who worry about you, and anorexia can destroy their hearts if it defeats you.

This is so so so true! Anorexia doesn't allow for fun, friends or freedom. You may as well say goodbye to your social life, you can't go out with friends. You mostly isolate yourself from your friends, so say goodbye to them too, you can't just go out for a meal with friends or buy yourself a treat from the supermarket, you don't have the freedom to do that. Believe it or not, you are 'locked' up in your own thoughts, and its almost impossible to break that lock by yourself, especially after having problems before, or having EDs for a long period of time with no help.
You can have a look at my photos of me in hospital, they are on this site. It's not scary, they really really take care of you in there, and you are encouraged to make your own choices about food. I was tubed for a bit, but then that came out as I had no problem eating! Believe me, help from the right people is what you need! I had an amazing time in hospital (yes, sounds weird I know) but some of the nurses there, I felt like I really made friends with them! One of them even went to the supermarket and snuck me back a chocolate bar

[x_sepi_x]

Originally Posted by SMILING*to*HIDE*the*TRUTH

I don't believe you DON'T want help at all because then you wouldn't be here in the first place. I believe you that you are probably just afraid of getting the help you need. So it says your 17 and since your still a minor if your mom or dad figure it out soon they have control over you and can tell your theripist. Wouldn't you much rather do it? YES it's hard I just finally told mine after a year of trying to tell her and now she wants me in all these programs. If you truly CAN'T tell her in person write it down on a piece of paper and give it to her.

My parents don't have a clue about anything in my life, let alone i see a therapist. My dad hates my guts, couldn't care less if im dead and mom, well she's too wrapped up looking after my brother and sisters to realise any change in me. So yeah i guess im pretty much alone when it comes to stuff like this but my therapists won't find out. Not until my weight starts to drop too much.

[x_sepi_x]

Originally Posted by emma01

This is so so so true! Anorexia doesn't allow for fun, friends or freedom. You may as well say goodbye to your social life, you can't go out with friends. You mostly isolate yourself from your friends, so say goodbye to them too, you can't just go out for a meal with friends or buy yourself a treat from the supermarket, you don't have the freedom to do that. Believe it or not, you are 'locked' up in your own thoughts, and its almost impossible to break that lock by yourself, especially after having problems before, or having EDs for a long period of time with no help.

I don't do this kinda stuff anyway. im pretty much isolated on a normal day everyday. i don't like going out with my friends coz of this food matter. Also anxiety and panic get the better of me and i would just much rather stay in. I dnt fancy any snacks from any shop and if i do then tough luck for me coz i cnt have em.

I know what you're saying though, i know. i understand but i just can't get my brain and hormones or wateva to think otherwise, if you know what i mean? its like there's two people in me. one side is saying its okay to eat and put weight on and the other is scared of putting weight on says its not okay to eat. Im just scared of approaching this topic with my therapists coz i dnt know how to explain things that go on in my mind to them. it's too complex in my own head, there's no way i could talk about it to someone else...x

[emma01]

Originally Posted by x_sepi_x

I don't do this kinda stuff anyway. im pretty much isolated on a normal day everyday. i don't like going out with my friends coz of this food matter. Also anxiety and panic get the better of me and i would just much rather stay in. I dnt fancy any snacks from any shop and if i do then tough luck for me coz i cnt have em.

I know what you're saying though, i know. i understand but i just can't get my brain and hormones or wateva to think otherwise, if you know what i mean? its like there's two people in me. one side is saying its okay to eat and put weight on and the other is scared of putting weight on says its not okay to eat. Im just scared of approaching this topic with my therapists coz i dnt know how to explain things that go on in my mind to them. it's too complex in my own head, there's no way i could talk about it to someone else...x

I know exactly what you mean about the two people in you. It was too complex for my head too and I dont think I ever can explain myself to anyone!

[x_sepi_x]

yeah so for the moment im just gna take it as it is and just deal with it on my own. if it gets to be more of a problem than wat it already is i'll tell my therapist sumhow. She'll probably figure out anyway when she does my next weigh in..
Thanks for the comments tho guys, i know you mean well

[Ess The Morgenstern *]

one side is saying its okay to eat and put weight on and the other is scared of putting weight on says its not okay to eat. Im just scared of approaching this topic with my therapists coz i dnt know how to explain things that go on in my mind to them.

I'm there myself, scared of putting on any weight, but you know something? You won't put any weight on because of eating what you're meant to eat, and if you're already underweight, then it's necessary for you to gain a bit. No one is saying you have to put on loads, but body needs to be at a normal rank to work properly. I'm underweight and my hair falls off like rain when I get a shower, I don't get my period, I'm always frozen -not to mention I'm turning into the wolfman (lanugo)- it shows something is wrong, but when you don't focus on weight all the time, it's easier. Focus on things, people etc you like, think how nice it'd be if you could do them without thinking (i.e.) I'll run because it burns off many calories; just see how free one can feel while running, enjoy the environment, whatever! EDs completely get to own your mind, try to get it and related thoughts away and you'll see life goes further than your reflection.
It's never easy to open up to people, but you can't say they won't understand if you don't try, what if they do? you won't lose anything on trying and it's really helpful and relaxing to show your feelings to people, not everybody have a listening ear and you do, just go take it. If you're offered help, you should take all of it, maybe with people you can do what you can't do alone.

[x_sepi_x]

Originally Posted by sheissoweird

I'm there myself, scared of putting on any weight, but you know something? You won't put any weight on because of eating what you're meant to eat, and if you're already underweight, then it's necessary for you to gain a bit. No one is saying you have to put on loads, but body needs to be at a normal rank to work properly. I'm underweight and my hair falls off like rain when I get a shower, I don't get my period, I'm always frozen -not to mention I'm turning into the wolfman (lanugo).

im like this lol.. I know what your saying. I should take the help ive got. I will try.